JO-ANN Craft Smoochermarket - Part 1 of 2

Recently, in my travels abroad, I was able to participate in a venture to a large, barn-sized enclosure, that peddles a multitude of "craft" wares. This place is known as Jo-Ann. It will now also be known as a veritable jungle of smooch goods and miscellaneous rubbish.

Because, although they do offer you the option of buying actual items you can use to make works of "craft", they'd much prefer if you bought their cheaper and lazier options of ready-made "Handiwork" that only requires a glueing, screwing, bolting or 3M hooking and your home is transformed into one at which even somebody with middling taste would frown sternly at.

So, I took some photos. For now, here are half of them.


Here's some wood. Can't you just imagine the possibilities for these?


Put this outside your home in case people didn't already think you were "a bit nutty"


Oh wow. Hey thanks guys, for letting me darken up my day with this drek.


"PhWEEOump."


And again, if I want to make the public aware i'm mentally deficient, this is a great way to go about broadcasting it.


Stretching the realm of craft, aren't we?


I would enjoy the chance of meeting the creator of this product, if only to hurl their creation as speedily as possible in the direction of their lower jaw.


Seems like the lead singer of Hot Chocolate has carved out a new career telling moose-faced lesbians it's okay to wear flannel and fart, just as long as they're wearing their Tena Lady.


'Jo-Ann - the shop you go to when you need pencils that look like turkey feet'


Why is the spelling of this item so moronic? What is it even for? When will the madness end?


He's gonna love that. No. Really.


So there's half of our intrepid journey. Check back in a day or two for the second installment, where we find worthless broken items, worthless unbroken items, and SMELL AWAY~!