"We've got the Sting Bear"

This probably peaks with the bit about how you've got a girlfriend who attends all the live pro wrestling events with you. Then THIS is for HER.

Yes.

"Budget" upgrade to Cynos

Thanks to Sloaner for the contribution. Anything related to the Toyota Cynos holds a special (smooch) place in my heart.

Trotters

Thanks to AK47 for the contribution.

Pritty rear things

CLEARLY, this seller on TradeMe only sells repossessed cars. Yet, they received this question on an Auction for a 1996 BMW 540i:

Question: "would u be keen on a swap for a 81 holden commadore, lowerd on black 17" advantis, running a workd 202, Blue top head, custom sump, electirc dizzy, twin barral v8 carby. fresh white paint job, camo interior, chrome bumpers, no rust or anything.. goes nuts. $800 head unit with 6x9's in back and 6's up front. Pritty rear things, never see them round and if yu do there usually in shit condition" simco2 (6 ) 11:23 pm, Mon 24 May

Answer: Hi, sorry we dont swap vehicles but we can sell your car on your behalf. Call 0800 CARSELL if interested. Thanks

"A safe way to meet genuine Kiwi singles."

Evokes memories of a certain recurring comic strip in the long-forgotten zine "Strumming Teeth".

Smooch wrestling masks #1

Consider these pxts

Now my own smooch cellphone should have been long cosigned to a rubbish bin, but I refuse to pay vast amounts of money for a device that basically lets people bother me all day long. However it can still sort of take a pxt or two, albeit very poor ones.

However these items were terrible anyway:


Animal cruelty. I am going to make an entire topic about "these" sorts of garments.


Viva Las Vegas... with its souvenir stores open all hours of the night, peddling shirts like this, with 33 shirt's worth of designs on one.



Pwhomp.


"Trenise, cleandown in the garbage aisle please. Cleandown in the garbage aisle."


Ah this old joke again. Again. They make footwear with the texture of dusting cloths for people who largely remain inactive inside their own home.

Easy to post... Easy to bin too

WHAT IT IS: "Eric Clapton Midi Files disc"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "This standard midifile hit misic is on a 3.5diskette. You need ancient equipment - any compatible midi palyback system. GM, all 3.5 SMF disc drives, IBM compatibles, Apple Mac, Atari, Amiga via DOS file exchange. The karaoke aspect is ideal for budding singers to train up. This one contains songs by Eric Clapton, Sunshine of your life, Lay down Sally, White Room, CoCaine, Bell Bottom Blues, Forever Man, Prescence of the Lord, Shes Waiting, Let it Grow, all made in Canada. Ideal for musician. Easy to post"

PRICE: Budding singers need only offer up $10.

COMMENT FORM SELLER: Question: is this still sealed? blepharitis (87 ) 12:57 pm, Fri 7 May (Why do they care? - Ed)
Answer: The packet has been opened but the midi disc looks spotless and unused to me.The donor told me that it was never used. Hope this helps Thank you for your question MM

("Donor". As though it was a kidney not some old tat found in a cupboard. - Ed)

Smooch Yo-yo "Champeen"

"A strange, strange man has been showing up on morning shows throughout the Midwest, claiming to be a yo-yo trick champion. He is not. He is actually terrible at yo-yo. Yet he keeps getting on the air.

Little is known about "K-Strass," who goes by Kenny Strasser, or sometimes Karl Strassburg. He claims to be from Wisconsin (except when he doesn't). He claims to be from a broken home, with his own addiction issues (except when he isn't).

All we know is that K-Strass has shown up on television six times in the past month, showing off his yo-yo "skills" and generally embarrassing the hosts.

His latest appearance occurred Thursday morning on KQTV's "Hometown This Morning," in St. Joseph, Mo.

"He got us," said Bridget Blevins, the station's news director. "I hate that we got duped."

And how good was he with the yo-yo, a skill Strasser has said made him a champion? "He did some really lame things. He hit himself in the face and the groin with his yo-yo," Blevins said.

Lisa Malak, who anchors the "Sunday Morning" show on WFRV in Green Bay, thought it would be fun to book somebody who said he was a yo-yo champion. When Strasser showed up April 11, he said he forgot the string for his yo-yo. With no tricks, Malak and Strasser spent their live TV segment talking.

"It was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me on the air," Malak said."

AMAZING.

"Vintage" vs "Refuse"

Let's see if you can work out if this belongs in

a) a rubbish bin

or

b) your home


When I tell you this is FOR SALE.

Fußwagens

These fine specimens of footwear are available for purchase.

Apart from the obvious reasons, these also made me laugh due to the fact that they reminded me of the Volkswagen Kubelwagen.

Important Juggalo News

This just in....

Low on price, low on buffalo-building skills...

Thanks to Dan Tanner for this one.

How not to use photography to sell your product

WHAT IT IS: Cute Silver JUST THE ONE SHOE ONDiamante Sandals - Size 8

DESCRIPTION OF AUCTION: "Style: Heels
Lovely low heeled silver JUST THE ONE SHOE ONsandals with diamantes - Size 8...

Excellent SITTING DOWN FOR PHOTOcondition, worn once...

Measurements:
Sole length - 8cm
Heel height - 7cm
Sole JUST THE ONE SHOE ONwidth at widest point - 9cm"

PRICE: Starting bid $1, Buy Now $20

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None, but I want to know WHO IS TAKING THE PHOTO and WHERE IS THE OTHER SHOE?

and isn't it just

Perfect if your head is shaped like broccoli.

Two Views of a smooch cap.

Not exactly "Three views of a secret", contributor Corsican has found someone offering a cap of consideration for sale, and going the extra mile to capture both ends of the item in the raw. Perhaps to give you the idea of how much of a tool you will look to those you encounter coming towards you, as well those trailing.

I'm back! With hats (and a bin to put them in)

Apologies for the infrequency of posts lately, I have been traveling "abroad" as those in British comedies of the 50's say (and that's something you're all intimately familiar with).

Upon my return from the United States I had to move house. Tedious. Back breaking. Ad infinitum.

However, it did present my the chance to offer my very own smooch, courtesy of some old boxes I went through whilst moving. Here then, are some hats. I did not realise I owned quite so many hats, especially in the "near refuse" condition I unearthed and subsequently captured them in: