wine markings - the companion to any outfit

WHAT IT IS: A pair of allegedly new sandshoes. I say allegedly as the crisply taken photography gives the impression that these have sat in a dusty basement for ten years.

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

"these are a lovely pr of light weight sandshoes, bought in Australia purchased from "Rivers" and never used padded inside, suede and mesh i think is what uppers made of, has elastic strapping over top of shoe, and velcro fastening these are a beige with slight wine markings so would go with any outfit---- are a size 7 -that is multiple fitting otherwise a size 4 1/2-"

PRICE:

Start your bid at $23. Yes, twenty-THREE.

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

None yet, but i'm looking for some insight into how something can be size 4 1/2 and also size 7. Also justification for the remark "beige with slight wine markings so would go with any outfit" would be timely too.

...lined with what would appear to be some sort of smooch muslin

Found a few items of consideration on my phone. Thought i'd share rather than simply chuckle then delete. These are from a year or so back...



Smooch shoe (or "smooe" the uninitiated)



Smooch mug / smug



Smooch pastry with some sort of smooch seasoning



Smooch caricature of Charlie Chaplin, presumably during his hitherto unknown "sweat 'n smooch years"

Ew-ch

Lady Rose sent in three auctions that are waiting for your bid. I'm going to pass on all of these as I feel a tad unwell having perused them.



I'm not sure "heavish" is a real word, but i'm not about to get in a debate about it.



"I have just had a baby and no longer fit them, and probably never will again so having a clear out.

I DO NOT OFFER A FIXED PRICE
CHECK OUT MY OTHER LISITINGS"



"These boxer style longer leg briefs are all the go, but my husband likes a differetn style now,so these are wasted and need a new home."

"1/ 2 pair navy with one side printed, both in very good order.

2/ Kakhi green pair, still in good order,has been worn quite abit.

3/ Black with one side with bright coloured print. Worn abit but still in great condition.

Have no stains,rips or holes that I can see. All offer good solid wear."


How incredibly unpleasantly smooch.

TradeMe auction photo of the Week.

"long red dress or nightie, has high split up back, ribbon halter neck tie up, one size fits all is stretchy"

Text. Book. SMOOCH.

Thanks to Gasman for contributing this unforgettable item of consideration.

Toilet Friends Of Consideration

The Comfort Wipe



The Uro Club



Thanks to T Lungz for the C Wipe. I've had some great contributions lately, keep sending them to me. Great job!

Symptoms of Smooch #1 "Plenty of wear left"

Often what makes smooch wares such a fascinating diaspora to consider, is the brazen nature of those who sell it. Not only are they the kind of person who focus squarely on the "One man's junk" part of the equation, but they even try to use the items' dilapidation as a feature.

You will find this on any occasion you encounter the dreaded words "Plenty of wear left in them/it"

Not only is it a contentious point, but what is this exactly trying to say? Technically you could restore a totally rusted bathtub, or wear an already ripped sweater until it resembled a caveman's costume, but it's frankly ridiculous.

But....

When it borders on the ridiculous, then it's gold.

Let's see some offenders then:


"PLENTY OF WAR" left in these smooes, which is to say they look like they've been used in an armed offensive already.


"Time for a tidy up and clear out!" claim these sellers, who seem to possess a back yard full of old tables.

"In worn condition but still has plenty of life left in her yet! We drilled holes in the middle of each table as we used umbrellas as our centre peices.
(Can be covered up with a table cloth)"

Thanks for the advice. I love it when they offer solutions to a problem they created with the product.



"Grab yourself a bargin!!!

2x good condition singlets.

Please note that clothing may be stain/marked/wash faded hence the $1 reserve. All clothes have plenty of wear left in them."

How can something be in "good condition" yet be stained, marked or wash faded? Why don't they just pull out all the stops and glue a freshly extruded canine placenta to the front and be done with it?


I'm not sure what you consider defines "upholstery" but i'm pretty sure what's been done to those cushions, is not it.


This delightful bag is my favourite out of all the bags I have made.
The fabric is 100% cotton and has an African design in golds/browns/black.
Inside it has five different pockets - one for your pen, cellphone, wallet etc.
The flap has a magnetic closure which keeps your goodies secure.
This bag is very comfortable over your shoulder, or alternatively, wear it over your head to sit diagonally across your chest leaving your hands free. (Great for someone with a disability)."

What disability? Amputation of taste?


"Sexy Black Off-Shoulder 3/4 Sleeve"
"Really loved this top, one of my favourites. Much loved and well looked after - plenty of wear left in it. Unaware of any faults if any. Sad to see it go due to no longer being able to fit it.
This top can also be worn on the shoulders if desired."

"Loved" it so much they'd rather not exercise enough to be able wear it....


A "great pair" of sandals. Allegedly.

"they have a little wear on the inside but still have plenty of wear left in them, retail $99"

$99 WHEN NEW. NEW. NEW.

Jesus wept...and "free" Crocs too....


"This book is in very good Condition apart from the cover is slightly shelf worn and the front page has a name inside it ."

I couldn't make this stuff up.


RED 'CHUCK TAILOR' KNOCK OFFS - CUTE!!!

"I pounced on these with joy when I saw them but alas - too small for my girl's growing feet.

They are in great used condition - plenty of wear left. Sole is a bit smooth in places, as you would expect, but they are sturdy enough to last a size season and then some."

As I would expect? What, are there leagues of well-worn shoe wearers out there?


"Attractive and simple."

"She have been worn but have plenty of wear left and good soles. Slight scuff on front. Flat stacked heel which is matt black . Favorites but not needed."

Everything that seems to be sold is a "favourite" - do they only keep the clothes they hate? Quite a masochistic existence, don't you agree?


"I BOUGHT THESE A FEW MONTHS AGO NEW FOR AROUND 90.00 FROM MEMORY AND HAVE WORN THEM A BIT BUT FIND THEY HAVE STRETCHED AND ARE TO LOOSE, WOULD SUIT A WIDE FOOT, VERY COMFORTABLE AND STILL IN GOOD PRELOVED CONDITION, PLENTY OF WEAR LEFT IN THEM STILL!

GREAT WALKING SHOE."

Well Ms. Caps Monster, you've certainly sold me on their walking virtue by the way they smooched within a few months.


What a great photo.

"Just left heel needs repair. Had half soles put on when I bought them, but heels are worn. Bought from The Warehouse I think??"

Sigh...


Keep the chain of smooch alive by being the third owner of this very-binnable hoodie.

"Brought this hoodie off trademe but its wrong style for me.
good condion for a pre loved item. plenty of wear left.
Small stain the size of old 50c coin on right side from previous owner-photo makes it look worse than it actulli is when u are wearing it it is hardly noticable."



"HAIR EXTENSIONS HAVE BEEN WORN FOR 2 WEEKS THE GLUE ON TOP HAS GONE BIT CRUMBLY BUT PLENTY OF USE LEFT"

But wait, there's more....

"NEED GOOD BRUSH HENCE LOW RESERVE
THE IS APROX 50 DARK BROWN 30 OR SO HAVE NOT BEEN USED
AND 30 BLONDE
THESE ARE NOT EXACT COUNTS BUT VERY CLOSE AS HAD 60BROWN AND 40BLONDE AT START HAVE LOST A FEW
DOSE NOT INCLUDE MICRORINGS THEY ARE 18 INCHES
PLEASE DO NOT BID IF NOT WANTING USED CONDITION EXTENSIONS"

I... I just... I mean.... Uh.... Good Heavens....

I think i'm going to lie down for a bit.

"(the red ball is missing at the moment but if it is found before the auction ends it will be added with the game)."

Thought i'd keep you all abreast of what's available in the world of used board games.

Do consider this selection.



"TOPICAL QUALMS The Exhilarating Question & Answer Game

Two to Eight Players
Suitable for all age groups

Individual Players or teams ahve their own COLOUR ZONE. When opposing players land in your colour zone, they have to CORRECTLY answer the topical qualm you ask them in order to progress further around the board. The first team of individual player to reach the FINISH is declared the winner."



"Great condition for it's age

although there are 3 pieces missing which could be made up from whatever you have around the house
(1 snack picture, 1 token, 1 plastic card holder)

made 1988

A game for gluttons

Players : 3-4 "



"Hide & Seek, unusual and detailed old Board Game. It seems to be in excellent cond........(See pic. The 5 dollar note is here merely to show scale, NFS.)"



"You are Looking at a Vintage 1988 Colorforms Playset Game. This is a marked. Box is a little smooshed, but not bad."



"Using cards and an audio Cd, this game is a memory jogging mix of fun & nostalgia for everyone with a passion for music

Crammed full of tip of tongue tunes it's a team game for players of all ages in which you're challenged to:
Recognize songs from an evocative clip of music
Answer trivia questions from the world of pop
Recall how songs have fared in the Pop Charts
Match snatches of lyrics to the songs from which they come"
(This one was in a multicoloured Comic Sans font by the way - Ost)



"My 12 year old is having a clean-out of her toys as she is saving for a digital camera.
Ready, Set Spaghetti game in original box but the box is in terrible condition hence the low price of game. One spaghetti counter missing which doesn't affect game play.
Prefer pick-up as the box is quite large."

Get gwoovy in the garden with these wearable eyesores

Gumboots generally smooch up within the first wear, but that hasn't stopped some Aussies from going one better.

WHAT IT IS:

One of several varieties of - in their words - "groovy" gumboots. I suppose the Skull & Crossbones ones are okay, cool for kids even, except these are all in adults sizes.

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

"Sunflowers Gumboots

Great For Out In The Rain or Garden!

Brand New!

These Gum Boots Have A Blue Background.

Gumboots Are Made From Rubber And Are Lined On The Inside.

They Also Have An Adjustable Buckle On The Side.

~

Size of These Gumboots:

Ladies Size 8 / 39.

~

Length From Outside Gumboot From Heel To Toe:

27cm / 10.6" Inches.

~

Length of Removable Insole:

25.5cm / 10" Inches.

~

Widest Measurement of Insole:

8.5cm / 3.3" Inches.

~

Height of Gumboots:

34.5cm / 13.6" Inches.

~

See Our Store For More Designs & Sizes!

Looking for a present? We can post this item on your behalf directly to the recipient."

(Sounds like an ideal way to 'treat' somebody you absolutely despise - Ost)

PRICE:

Buy it Now for Aus $31.99 ($41 New Zealand) with shipping outside of Australia at a mere Aus $47 - it's a most definite bargain, i'm sure you'd agree.

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

Nothing particularly interesting, although they do use the term "wellies" on more than one occasion.

Several hat to head questions arise

Why not procure this endearingly unfinished sketch from the portfolio of one Paul Gebo (who?). Make sure you read the seller's words - a charming blend of ignorance and threat.

WHAT IT IS:

A drawing of a robustly-jawed woman, who's head appears to have been severely fractured by her shapeless, yet clearly incredibly heavy hat.

Medium: Pencil, Crayon
Style: Realism (...)

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

"This Drawing is 71/2 x 7in

Picture drawn on a peice of Gulf Oil Poster

Condition as pictured

Check out my other auctions for more drawing from Gebo

he drew a lot of famous people & ads from this era

I don't know many people of the era"

PRICE:

Starts at US $12.99 (NZ $21)

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

"I ACCEPT RETURNS IF THEY ARE IN THE SAME CONDITION AS WHEN THEY WERE SENT, I HAVE PHOTOS!"

Catastrophe (Sorry)

Um....

WHAT IT IS:

In their words, 'A great original cat picture.'

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

"A nice modern picture dated '98. A very collectable original for your collection and for display. Metal framed and glassed. Am happy to pack and send parcelpost at your risk. Measures approx 520mm x 420mm Great to have a modernist piece with so much conversation possibilities. Be quick. Thanks."

PRICE:

Bidding starts at $29, or Buy Now for $35.

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

None, but i'm tempted to ask why they made parcelpost (sic) sound so perilous.

Smooch Airline Food

Ah yes. Airline food. Staple of greenhorn standup comics the world over.

But the following letter of complaint to Richard Branson about the poor standard of food and entertainment services on his Virgin Airlines flight is far, far funnier than any standup i've ever heard.

And it has pictures. But you need to read the letter and then click to the next picture when the article directs you. Don't skip ahead. That bit is important.

Now here it is.

This was supplied to me by James. I commend him for finding this gem.

Y'know, for adults!

- A new item

- Made for adults

- Popular


If only none of those statements were true.

EGAD.