Bonus Tat

Much like the "White Elephant" stall or "Jumble Sale" at a school fair, here are a collection of random items of smooch junk that do not posses any great appeal in their own.

So here they are as one very sad trestle table of smooch, as I once again assert my hegemony about what is not acceptable to display, buy or wear under almost any circumstance.


Here is a smooch brown cardigan. Now you may be thinking "gee, the shop hasn't done a very good job of displaying this." Well just you wait....





So, product goes straight from factory, to squashed in a box, to a shop shelf, to your home. All without any kind of care. DO NOT BUY THIS JUNK. It is pure landfill masquerading as an item of purpose.



Owning this shirt is the ultimate self-insult.



Oh, a box of old tissues/worn hosiery? How thoughtful. How necessary.

Summer of Hate

Living in the Southern Hemisphere, as I do, it's heading into summer. A time when people feel the need to wear less. Fair enough, it is hotter. However, people feel the need to wear less on their feet. Yet they still wish to cover all types of uneven terrain. This is where the problem starts, because here is where millions of morons try to convince the world it's okay to wear things like these:



I just want to make it clear that such is the revulsion factor of these ...things... they can even turn a pretty model into one i'd not touch with an especially long fire escape ladder.



Brr.

And to put the icing on the cake, the Toachi is prone to shoddy workmanship.



Well, can't say I can offer the buyers any sympathy.

:)

Munter Hunter

Here's a rare chance to pick up one of the few remaining Hillman Hunters, NZ's #1 smooch bogan car of choice for the years 1978-1996, until Japanese imports began to be re-sold for a third time. This one's in classic condition too. Lovingly captured in these photos.





WHAT IT IS: A 1974 Hillman Hunter sedan.

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

"1974 Hillman Hunter

Rego on Hold
Painted gloss black
Lowered in rear
14" Tridents
4 speed manual
Exterior and interior in good condition

Awesome easy project car wont take much to get on road.

Not running have owned for last year was going to be my poject car but am shifting and cant keep it. Engine is all there just needs a battery

Could be keen for swaps"

PRICE: Lay down your bid of $800 or more to take this old tramp home.

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

(The questions are more cringe-worthy than the answers. Here are a couple.)

Question: hay bro where bowts are keen 4 a look. cheers txt me off my listing laufiro07 (0 ) 2:42 pm, Sun 20 Dec

Question: keen on this, much wrong with th motor and geerbox? what need for warrent? sweet lookin car dollarbillz (12 ) 9:00 pm, Mon 21 Dec

Balloonacy

"Thanks" to AK47 for this eye-opening contribution.

May the Force be with smoe....

Contributor T Hünder Lüngz, PHW, has found quite an item of consideration.

It seems Adidas didn't want to miss out on the revenue generated by adults failing to grow up, and have thus come up with some Star Wars-themed footwear ready to take the city by scorn.

Here we have Yoda matches up with a fetching boat-esque, grotesque, paunchy smockassin number:




The depiction of Dagobah's murky swamps, steaming bayous, and petrified gnarltree forests is an accurate metaphor for the smells, murky sweatpants and gnarled, petrified, expired corn snacks of the bedroom environment of the typical wearer of this design.

And now here's one for those of smooch who always wanted to be Data in The Goonies:




Looks like there are buttons in the lace covering of this frumpy avoidance. Hopefully they further alert bystanders to get their disdain on because smooch is trudging their way. I wonder how Harrison Ford feels about having his face on the feet of Jabbas worldwide.

There were additional designs, but I have become overawed with sorrow and contempt.

Use the smorce. Puke.

Smooch Dance Crew

SHOE CRIMES '09

There have quite a considerable abundance of "shoe-design-and-subsequent-wearing-of" crimes this fine year of our dog, twenty ought nine.

Conveniently for me, I was able to photographically capture nearly all of them in one outlet store in the state of California a few months ago.

Feast your eyes on these, and know they are wrong. Covet all thy neighbours' oxen and manservants you wish, just as long as you don't covet these disasters.


First cab off the rank is this foot based tapestry. Rank is the only way I can describe it. If Nanna Olga is no longer alive to knit you a horrible sweater, you can just buy these and be derided all the same.


And here's its fecal sibling.


It has been a particularly bad year for rubbery awfulness. I thought that plague had reached its maximum with the Croc™ but shoe makers seem to find new ways to ruin the already ungainly Scholl sandal.




What the hell is wrong with covering up your heel? We do not need to see it, in its smooch, reddened, blistered glory. Put it away and move these footwear crimes to the nearest furnace. They are remarkably stupid.






PUT YOUR TOES AWAY.


This is just as bad. It looks like a pretzel and I bet those who wear these would be as oily and salty as one too.


Grey and brown don't go together. Besides that, it's like the gentrification of a poo-stained nappy.


Absolutely no signs of visible wear and tear on these.


Made of imitation leather one step up from polythene and modeled on the only thing as bad as the kitten heel. That's an explanation for boys, if you're a girl you just need to know these are substantially unattractive. It screams "disappointing prom".


I genuinely feel sad for this one. It's the only style that knows it's a born loser.


Quite a bit of grip up front there, in case you need to walk through a cow paddock on your way to your book club/date at Farmlands. Nuggety.


This weighed no more than 4 grams and was constructed with a build quality to last up to next week.



Two views of this olive behemoth as one angle didn't quite capture the dank sourness. Expensive if only for elitism's sake, because if every one in your street is wearing ugly shoes, you need to reserve the ones that look like Robin Hood for the people with the most money to waste.

Smoochness carries through into tattoo

I mean, it's one thing to get a tattoo.

Another to get a smooch portrait tattoo.

But to preserve the smoochness of an article of clothing on that tattoo.

That's.....The Smoochest.


Thanks to Alex for this wowzer of a contribution.

Smooch Birthday Cock

I'm all for education, but that's really not an appropriate occasion.

Try the bin

Thanks to Milk Bubble for the contribution.