SHOE CRIMES '09

There have quite a considerable abundance of "shoe-design-and-subsequent-wearing-of" crimes this fine year of our dog, twenty ought nine.

Conveniently for me, I was able to photographically capture nearly all of them in one outlet store in the state of California a few months ago.

Feast your eyes on these, and know they are wrong. Covet all thy neighbours' oxen and manservants you wish, just as long as you don't covet these disasters.


First cab off the rank is this foot based tapestry. Rank is the only way I can describe it. If Nanna Olga is no longer alive to knit you a horrible sweater, you can just buy these and be derided all the same.


And here's its fecal sibling.


It has been a particularly bad year for rubbery awfulness. I thought that plague had reached its maximum with the Croc™ but shoe makers seem to find new ways to ruin the already ungainly Scholl sandal.




What the hell is wrong with covering up your heel? We do not need to see it, in its smooch, reddened, blistered glory. Put it away and move these footwear crimes to the nearest furnace. They are remarkably stupid.






PUT YOUR TOES AWAY.


This is just as bad. It looks like a pretzel and I bet those who wear these would be as oily and salty as one too.


Grey and brown don't go together. Besides that, it's like the gentrification of a poo-stained nappy.


Absolutely no signs of visible wear and tear on these.


Made of imitation leather one step up from polythene and modeled on the only thing as bad as the kitten heel. That's an explanation for boys, if you're a girl you just need to know these are substantially unattractive. It screams "disappointing prom".


I genuinely feel sad for this one. It's the only style that knows it's a born loser.


Quite a bit of grip up front there, in case you need to walk through a cow paddock on your way to your book club/date at Farmlands. Nuggety.


This weighed no more than 4 grams and was constructed with a build quality to last up to next week.



Two views of this olive behemoth as one angle didn't quite capture the dank sourness. Expensive if only for elitism's sake, because if every one in your street is wearing ugly shoes, you need to reserve the ones that look like Robin Hood for the people with the most money to waste.