Peak performance

Thanks to Dan T.

JAPAN~!

I recently spent 9 days in Japan.

Photos coming soon.

KFC make threepeat of eyebrow raising decisions

Not content with already bringing us the Double Down burger and developing the Skinwich (see earlier entries), KFC - or, more correctly in this instance, their parent company Yum Brands - have fronted up with the money to help construct a brand new event facility in Louisville, Kentucky. The catch? They have the naming right.

So yes, say hello to the KFC Yum! Center.



Here's some PR wiffle on this nonsense:

"Louisville Downtown Arena Officially Becomes KFC Yum! Center
Yum! Brands, LAA, Team Services Announce Long-Term Arena Naming Rights Agreement

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (April 19, 2010) – It’s official. Yum! Brands, a prominent, global corporation proud of its Louisville roots and extensive community involvement will stamp its name on the city’s newest addition. Effective immediately, KFC Yum! Center will be the new name for the 721,000 square-foot, downtown arena slated to open on time this fall. "

Some of the quote are quite chortle-inducing too:

"“We are absolutely thrilled to unveil our new arena name, KFC Yum! Center,” said Jim Host, Chair of the Louisville Arena Authority. “We have been patient throughout this process, knowing the excitement was building for this particular day when we could announce which company would capitalize on this marquee naming rights partnership."

The naming rights deal even extends to signage on the roof. For all those of you in Airships who happen to be passing over the venue.

Frankly, the whole thing leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

This week's canned good: Sandwiches

(amusingly, i misspelt the title as "This week's canned god." They wish.)



Oh yes. You are looking at a variety of canned sandwiches.

At first, I thought "every day, the world gets a bit lazier" and was about to launch into a tirade. But then I found this video....

Here's CEO of Candwich (what a title that is to bestow on one's self) Mark Kirkland talking to some Australian television presenters, who are already sniggering over the idea before he can explain it:



YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT!

So, it's designed to fit in a can - for convenience.

It's designed to fit into a vending machine - for convenience.

But then you have to make it yourself.

Neat as.

p.s. Anyone keen on that BBQ Chicken one, especially near the end of its use-by date?

Thought not.

Fat lady has sung on this idea

Oh dear.

It doesn't take much to make and/or design t-shirts.

Point proven above.

What we seem to have is a bizarre menagerie of The Simpsons, an award-winning ad from years ago (see below) and some incredibly sub-par draughtsmanship.



Here's just a couple of questions to the genious behind this creation.

WHO is the obese, nude lady?

WHY does she care where Bart Simpson is?

This is what happens when you smoke copious amounts of ganja early in the morning, because by the time you come up with "brilliant" ideas it's only lunchtime and you still have the entire afternoon to unfortunately put them into action.

Unskinny Burger

KFC, already infamous for their 'Double Down Burger' that seemingly constructed solely to give people's lower intestinal tract a fearsome workout, are now developing something to do the same to people's hearts and associated plumbing. The Skinwich.

Here's a quote from just one of thousands of everyday humans, equipped with a fully-functioning brain, who are expressing their confusion and disdain for this bizarre, disgusting idea:

"for the love of god ....it must be a joke!?? KFC new development something a delicious as a Skinwich?

What is a Skinwich you ask? it’s 5 layers of the colonel's fried chicken skin, lumped on a bun and topped with all American cheese and two slices of delicious bacon as an extra special prezzie to your arteries this cant be true"

And you thought Arby's were the champions of "Worlds Laziest Burger Chain", well it looks like they have a serious contender to that crown.

One size fits all

Even when it doesn't.

Thanks to Corsi for this, Corsi is in fact the king of sourcing smooch caps and headwear. we will have a feature on these very soon.

The adventures of Bob Nudd and his long pole

Contributed, headline, source and all, by Lady Rose.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

"Well, it's official: The Morning Rumble are giving away a boob job!

A few ground rules ... firstly, the photos can't contain full nudity, so we recommend you hold something up to cover the good bits. Second, the guys have to upload the pics on behalf of their girlfriends. Other than that, go nuts - be as creative as you like with what you choose to cover the boobs with. Scroll down and upload your pics below, plus approx 50 words explaining why your girl deserves to be the proud owner of The Morning Rumble's BOOBS!

Finalists will be chosen by The Morning Rumble. Judging criteria is based on the creativity of the entries, the need of the entrant, the 50-word blurb and the photo rating. Entries close Friday 20 August."

No photos, because well ...where to begin? Look at your own risk.

Thanks to Muckmouth for uncovering this smoob-tastic site.

Great for Stag, Hen, or Ostrich/Emu parties

WHAT IT IS: "NEW GREAT BLOW UP OSTRICH /EMU FANCY DRESS OUTFIT"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "BRAND NEW

GREAT BLOW UP OSTRICH / EMU FANCY DRESS OUTFIT.

BLOWS UP BY A CONSTANT FAN USING BATTERIES SO KEEPS YOU COOL.

Fastens by pull cords round the wrists, ankles and zip at the back.

Free batteries included worth $5

One size fits all

I post by next working day courier so if you pay today I post tomorrow and you get the item the day after. (Working days)

PICK FROM PARAPARAUMU IF YOU WANT

Take a look at my other listings for other costumes

Great for Stag & Hen partys etc

Buy 5 (can be a mix of outfits) and get free postage.

Keywords, mens ladies cowgirl cowboy suit costume party girl boy lady man men women womens"

PRICE: Bidding starts at .....$69 or Buy Now for $70 (WHAT?)

QUESTONS AND ANSWERS: None, although I am tempted to ask the seller when Ostrich/Emu (either/or, just totally different species there) were crossbred with the common duck.


Thanks to Lady Rose for this contribution full of wow factor.

Can I tempt you....

...with a fetching Ford beanbag?

Fish Poop, more like (you're fired - Ed)

Not as subtle as they imagine....

Smooch skateboarding

Thanks to Cook'n for this one. I chortled.

Beer for Babies

Very unacceptable

Just a little on the murky side

WHAT IT IS: A 1980 Bedford CF van, stunningly photographed to make it appear as a poor cousin to the Mystery Machine from "Scooby Doo".


DETAIL OF AUCTION: "no motor
all body work done,all been undersealed
no rust
new brake shoes
four new shocks
2 new tyres
cert for 2.8 Diesel
rego no hold"

PRICE: $900 of your Earthly dollars.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: None. I wish for someone to ask them about their aperture settings.

Smooch queuing

Provided by Jagnew. Ta sir.

Eye popping smoobs

Thanks to Gasman for this one.

Just stand here in my old jacket Dot, put on your most shameful expression

Peep the mirror.


"Thanks" to Happyjack for this.

The offending shirt

occurs at 0:32 into the video.

If you dare skip ahead to 6:42 you will see one of Steve Coogan's finest roles.

The Belittlest Petshop

Pets.

Pet animals.

Rather than see these as domesticated animals, who's purpose is to provide company and good feelings to humans, people ever so increasingly treat these animals as though they were actual humans.

But not just human acquaintances which they treat as equals with equal respect.

They seem to treat them as very feeble humans, such as a newborn baby or a quite elderly person.

I find this irksome.

However, I find the products sold by and to these sorts of pet owners, truly amusing.

See here:


Colour-coordinated pillows


There are several varieties of these dogmess devices on offer. A mere $150 US for the "system" and you can piss away another 65 buckaroonies for a replacement piece of fake grass for your pooch to poo on.


Oh, because one of my main fears at might is the condition of my pet's neck. Must remember to book my shitzu in for a shiatsu.


Steps OR the ramp. So versatile. You could just use your hands, but no, pay $200 dollars instead.


I mean, come on.


Ah this baptismal pet font is a particularly bold offender. Water's unpleasant taste? It's a cat, it drinks out of muddy puddles and licks its own bum. It is not a creature alarmed by unpleasant tastes.


"Turn the entrance to the corner and no one will know."Cats already find it humiliating going to the toilet, now you want to make it contort around a fake pot plant because you don't want people to ask about why the fake pot plant's pot has a door in it? How is this in any way a convenience?


Pets. They are like babies.


The middle product boasts it can rid pets of their "tear stains", I kid you not.


Handy if there's another blitzkrieg, your pet has its own camp stretcher. The pet will probably have better canned food than you though.


Pet Wheel-Away. PET WHEEL-AWAY. Are you laughing? Because I am.


That step-by-step pet potty training DVD must be obtained for comedic worth.

He would not say "perfect"

Fuck. ing. hell.

WHAT IT IS: Authentic Clark's Wallabees - Tan Desert Boot

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Authentic pair of Clark's Wallabees!

Lovely tan, super comfortable and stylish!

These are a UK size 7, but I am a size 9 US and fit these fine, to give you some indication.

You can't beat genuine Clark's for quality!




wu tang keds vans loafers style england"

PRICE: Start the bidding at 50 smackers or cough up a whole $90 to buy them now. Yeah right.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: Two questions: 1. How old are they? 2. How much wear? drummer47 (175 ) 4:34 pm, Sun 27 Jun
Answer: Hey there, I bought these a few years ago. They have been in storage for a few years. They have some signs of wear on the outside, but in all they are in pretty good condition. But I would not say "perfect" 4:39 pm, Sun 27 Jun

Buyer must pick up

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Italian, molded 60" Slope racer, PICK UP ONLY

Model can be viewed and picked up from the BIG ASS Macrocarpa on Mt Wellington where I managed to gracefully land it....

May require some repair work....$102"


Thanks to Johnny A for the contribution

Dhalsim's Outlet Store

Thanks to 'Shoulders' Dan Tanner for the contrib.

Toenailing Detailing

WHAT IT IS: "bath toilet mat 3 peice dolphin tan"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "bath toilet mat 3 peice

brand new

bath mat

70 cm by 48


toliet mat
52 by 46 cm


SEAT MAT 39 BY 32 CM

rubber backed"

PRICE: SOLD for $16. Quite the steal.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: "Question: hmm has anyones feet been on this?? missy_j.c (490 ) 12:01 am, Sun 20 Jun
Answer: hi no thanks 12:32 am, Sun 20 Jun "

You'll note if you go to the auction, the photo has been altered to rid it of the detestable foot neglect as spied in the shot above. But I am too quick for that.

Many thanks for Lady Rose for stomaching this and contributing.

It is a crazy sale (crazy is anybody who would want this)

WHAT IT IS: "1.2L Glass Celebration Goblet"

DETAIL OF ITEM: "1.2L Glass Celebration Goblet with Glitter Design
Features

* Celebration goblet
* 'Groom' in decorative, sparkling glitter
* Excellent for weddings or stag and does
* Fun for everyday use
* Hand wash only
* Glass capacity: 1.2L
* Glass dimensions: (H) 23.5cm x (D) 11.9cm
* Colour: Black with diamond-like glitter"

PRICE: NZ$9.95 incl. GST
Save 66% (RRP NZ$29.95)

Thanks to Mark for this fine find.

Perfect for your ...mantlepiece/diner

Thanks to Mark for this contribution

Foot Fattish

A couple of great contributions from Dan Tanner and Electric Boogalooser here.... both foot related...



WHAT IT IS: "REAL GIANTS SHOE!! HUGGGEEE!"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "I met a giant on tunnel beach in Dunedin. On the east coast. He said I could have the shoe as long as I gave him one of mine to remember me by. I only had an oneill 3/2mm surf bootie but this was exzactly what he wanted as he was getting sick of having wet shoes all day so this suited him perfectly. The end

HUUUGGEEE Vans novelty shoe!

Right shoe.

Size US 66.

Old slip-on check classic.

Great condition. Hardly worn ha.

This shoe is huugge!!! Looks sweet and the detailing is amazing. Looks exzactly like a normal size 9-10 shoe.

Any questions just ask."

PRICE: AUCTION CLOSED. Reserve not met. (What a surprise - Ed)

BUT ...WAIT...

"The Item was sold to another member"

They must have bartered a deal. I wonder if they reduced the price due to the mysterious staining, or perhaps the buyer wanted the fluro yellow Bic pen thrown in too.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: Question: omg very big feet i am size 18 biggest feet around in the wairarapa wow these will put mine too shame lol big feet = ? gudluck on sale (-; goodjah (143 ) 12:05 pm, Mon 14 Jun

Answer: Haha sweet bro! 12:14 pm, Mon 14 Jun



And then.....




Buy it for your sweet LaEvelyn or JaSapphire today.

One of my all time favourite TradeMe collections...

WHAT IT IS: ^*^Bulk toiletries for sale - cheap!!*^*

DESCRIPTION OF AUCTION: "Mita Ionic Collection Ceramix Thermal hair brush for use when blow-drying your hair. Excellent second-hand condition.
Olay mousturizing cream for sensitive skin 100g (barely used)
Garnier Ambre Solaire light no-streaks bronzer, multi-directional self-tanning spray (Light Result) 125mL (~3/4 full)
Bodyshop papaya puree body lotion 250mL (90%full)
Nivea body radiant care soft shimmering body lotion (apricot extract & shimmer pigments) 200mL (85% full)
Avon sparkling sugar scents sugar dust body powder 50g (~half full)
Avon foot works double action sloughing cream 100g (~half full)
Dove rich nourishing beauty hand cream 75mL (~3/4 full)
Cool blue aloe vera medicated cooling gel with menthol for all minor cuts, scrapes and burns 340g (~80% full)
NZ Cancer society broad spectrum sunscreen spray 2-hour water resistant SPF 30+ 200g (~1/3 full)
Sunsilk volume anti-flat volumising spray 150mL (half full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection moisture cream for multi use from Israel 50mL (~1/3 full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection aromatic body lotion from Israel 100mL (~3/4 full)
Elisabeth Arden eye-fix primer 7.5mL (barely used)
Yu-Be moisturising skin cream 3g (brand new)
Nivea sun moisturising sunscreen lotion SPF 30+ 400mL (90% full) (this one got left out of the photo by accident)
Purell with aloe instant hand sanitizer 59mL (unused)
Eulactol cuticle and nail cream 20g (95% full)
Garnier summerbody moisturising lotion sun-kissed look with camomile extract (deep sun-kissed look) 250mL (~80% full)
Aveeno active naturals with cooling menthol - skin protectant for relief of extra dry, itchy skin 354 mL (~half full)
Reason for selling is that I am relocating overseas soon and dont have the capacity to take all this stuff with me, unfortunately. I have another auction for a bulk lot of nail polishes for sale, so check that out as well. :-)
All this stuff is pretty bulky, Im not sure how much it would cost to ship, so would prefer for someone to pick up."

PRICE: Start your bid on somebody's used toiletries for $20, or Buy Now for a staggering $35.

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None, although i'm tempted to ask how much the 1/3rd full bottle of Cancer Society sunscreen would be on its own if the auction doesn't sell.

Smooty Booty

YES this is real. They advertise it in the commercial breaks of "Ellen".

Superman Spider ...nobody know who you are

A great idea let down by the incredibly bespoke method of transportation. AND he has trainer wheels. He had time to learn techniques of two of the greatest superheroes of all time, but not to learn how to ride a bicycle.

Thanks to JC for the contribution.

Decorative buns

From contributor Weasel: "looking for stuff for my new place. yea, fake hamburger buns to decorate with. so so needed."