Southland Hair Salon : Worst Ad

Even in 1986 or whenever this was, we knew this was stink.

NZ Food Riots

"Two men angry about having to pay for a pie, drove their car into a shop, stole their meal and led police on a lengthy chase through Auckland city.

The incident was the second alleged case of food-rage in the region over the weekend.

Counties Manukau police spokeswoman Ana-Mari Gates-Bowey said the raid happened at the Mobil service station on Great South Rd, Papakura, late on Saturday night or early Sunday morning after one of the men went to the petrol station's pie warmer, picked up several pies and placed one inside his jacket.

He then asked the attendant if he could have one pie for free but was told he would have to pay for all of them, Gates-Bowey said.

"So he goes out of the garage, he's obviously in a little bit of a mood, and speaks to his mate who's in the car.

"Then the guy decides... That he's going to go back in there and just get his pie."

He was frustrated further when he discovered the attendant had since locked the doors.

The man returned to the car where he and his friend decided they would find another way to enter the store.

The car was then driven through the doors.

"[The first man] gets out of the car, goes in, picks up his pies off the counter and does a runner."

The pair then led police on a chase from Papakura to Pukekohe.

The men were eventually arrested after their car tyres were spiked several times.

The hungry twosome appeared in Papakura District Court yesterday charged with offences including burglary and failing to stop for police.

They will reappear next month.

On Friday David Junior Ilolahia allegedly flew into a rage after staff at the Wendy's restaurant in Lynfield mucked up his order.

The Blockhouse Bay resident allegedly smashed tills, flipped tables and assaulted a police officer who responded to the incident.

After being apprehended he was taken to hospital to be treated for injuries he had suffered during arrest.

Ilolahia was charged with threatening behaviour, assaulting police, disorderly behaviour and resisting police as a result.

He is due to appear in court later this week.

Wendy's representatives say he is not banned from the restaurant but owes staff an apology."

-From Stuff.co.nz

"The Coast" (a slight return)

JOY of JOYS

Sushezi host lacks confidence

Also, apparently the sushi fillings are referred to as "fixings".

Mmm, can't wait to get some sushi next time i'm at Cracker Barrel.

People WILL sell anything...

Even leftover sachets of noodle flavouring, which have no monetary value, regardless of the amount.

WHAT IT IS: "*123 maggi 2min noodle flavouring packets* "

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Ever wish you had more flavour on your noodles? heres the answer....

My boyfriend eats about 3 packs of noodles a day with only 1 pack of flavouring.I started keeping them.
79 BEEF
44 CHICKEN"

(Thanks for the breakdown)

PRICE: $1. Yep. Oh and shipping is "$6.50 If its less than that i'll give it back." Give what exactly? A.k.a. "i'm too lazy to go to the post office".

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: None, although i'm almost inclined to ask why this was in the "Gaming > Other" category of TradeMe.

A big 1UP to Dan Tanner for this unique find.

Perfect for no particular occasion

"Definition of NOVELTY
1: something new or unusual

2: the quality or state of being novel : newness

3: a small manufactured article intended mainly for personal or household adornment —usually used in plural

4: something (as a song or food item) that provides often fleeting amusement and is often based on a theme —often used attributively"

Apart from "unusual" there is not a jot of a match between definition and photo.

So what POSSIBLE reason can there be for this?

Thanks to Seedge Haywan for this shattering discovery.

Isn't it wonderful what computers can do?

A download in 68 parts.

Online movies made worthless in one overcomplicated gesture.

Milk Bags

Here's a curious item we found in Eastern Canada - milk bags.

Yep, bags of milk.

Not for cafés, or other trade buyers. This was in your local supermarket, for personal use.

WHY?

So Busy Now Days

Would you let the same person who helps you with exterior maintenance and water blasting also shoot and edit any video work you may also require?

I've heard of jack-of-all-trades before, but this is a step too far.

Thanks to P. Starr for the contribution.

82 tattoos of Julia Roberts

And every one of them a banger.
There might not even be one that closely resembles her.

More tremendous photos here.

Cheers to Tatsie for quite a remarkable contribution.

One man's broken old junk is another man's broken old junk

Living in a kibbutz?

A setter of low expectations, so that you're never disappointed?

One of those "hardcore" wrestlers who hits themselves over the head with domestic appliances?

Then have we got a feature for you.

TradeMe (New Zealand's number one online auction website, fact fans) has a variety of listings for items that are, well.....broken. Kaput. Damaged. Not in working order.

And they're for sale!

Let's take a look:


WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Motorola, Half Pink Half silver' (a phone in case you hadn't guessed)

DETAIL OF AUCTION:"Here It Is If You Want It.

Check out my other great listings at great prices, items similar to this one."

(Here It Is If You Want It is the next catchy slogan from the people that brought you What You See Is What You Get)

PRICE: Someone has bid on this! You'll have to put up a whole $1.50, If You Want It.



(Oh boy)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken TV for sale ***DOLLAR RESERVE BROKEN TV***'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "As shown on the photos.

Broken Philip TV and the receiver for sale.
Comes with its 2 remote controllers and all the cables.

Once it was broken I never tried to see if it still works or not so I wouldn't know.

All the connections going into the TV receiver and TV itself are fine by the look of it.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions!

Happy bidding :)"

PRICE: Someone has also bid on this! Possibly the world's most optimistic repairman, an aforementioned wrestler-type, or some sort of fantastic combination of the two.


(remarkable focus on this snap)
WHAT IT IS: 'broken wind-up skeleton dinosaur'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "old and dusty - the little wires? that hold legs on are gone. To be taken as is.

Please ask quesstions - no refunds
Buyer to pay within 7days thanks"

PRICE: Start your bids at $8.50 , By Now for $12. Where do they get these prices?


(remember these?)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Fax' (This seller favours the short and to the point approach, almost to the point of curtness.)

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "can be used for parts"

(That's it. Can be used for parts? As though that's something people are looking for... 'hmm, really need some fax parts....i'll just pop on TradeMe....')

PRICE: $1. This is one auction you'd hope to be a day late and a dollar short.


(This one might be my favourite of the lot)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Landmaster Mower'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Landmaster Mower brought new in Jan/Feb 2009 from sole NZ distributor in Richmond, Nelson. Only had 5.5 Hrs use since new but broken more than 12 times. Cost $2995 plus GST but want what it has cost me to own and fix hence price. Have since found out that this type of mower has a history with multiple failures. Current condition has multiple cracks and a wheel carrier broken as per photo, also mower currently disassembled. Please note welds have no penitration and expect more failure with use. I offer no warranty with this mower. Any questions please ask. Photo quality poor but camera is broken at moment. If more photos required please ask. Price includes GST and receipt given to winning bidder"

(Just wow. WOW.)

PRICE: $5,635. Five thousand, six hundred and thirty five dollars. Bearing in mind it cost $2995 when new, and now it is anything but new.

The last one.... well, I just took the actual image of the auction, otherwise you may have not believed me.

I have marked the points of note.

The Hawaii Chair

I DARE YOU not to laugh at "Surfing the internet"

Meme vs Smerchandise

I think we're all familiar with the "internet meme" aren't we?

A form of the running joke that evolves over the telling.

Unfortunately there is over-emphasis placed on milking these often funny moments as fars they will go.

Often until someone tries to profit from them.

That's when it gets smooch.

Here's an example.



Here we have a supermarket cleaning sign that somebody has doctored to make a "300" joke. It doesn't make me laugh, but I can see the humour, imagination and the effort made here. Commendable.

However....someone else had to take it too far.



Because this is a joke you need to wear?
Because this is a joke with legs?
Because this is a joke that gets funnier with every telling?

None of the above.

It's because someone thought there was money to be made.

They've taken all the spontaneity out of it.

And haven't they done the shoddiest, most slap-dash attempt at designing it?

Why is the top of the triangle touching the T in "Caution"?

Just look at the people!



I mean, come on. The guy with the magic marker had better sketching skills, especially when it comes to the depiction of human beings.

The one on the shirt looks like an amputee being assaulted by Gumby.

But anyway.

Smooch. As. Hell.

Cease and desist from this sort of activity. Let the people have their jokes and let the joke die.

Heinz Automato

It very, very, very nearly works.

Just looking like a Roman, picking up the paper...

My favourite bit is where the girl picks the baby out of the sink, straight onto her shoulder.

If anyone is in some sort of friend circle where this is acceptable attire for an afternoon's meal, they need to get out of that situation quick-smart, or turn up next time with a Walther.

Tiddy Bear

On the plus side, there are plenty of close ups of tiddys.
On the minus side, EVERYTHING ELSE.

p.s. The swivel design is PATENT PENDING, so don't go appropriating it!

My bird's a pussy

WHAT IT IS: "SNUGGLE HUTS FOR YOUR BIRDS"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Snuggle Hut is a sturdy tent like shelter keeps birds warm and they will love hiding and playing inside the soft fleece interior
Sturdy sides and bottom keep the shape as pets are inside and out
Simply hang in cage and your pet will seek the warm shelter
The rigid material is plastic allowing this snuggle hut to be machine washable
cool dry only
LARGE 25cm long, 13cm wide at bottom, 17cm high.
auction is for one item only can choose between Green or RED or blue"

PRICE: Bidding starts at $29, or Buy Now for $29.10 Yes, $29.10. Shipping is also an astronomical $7.50.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: None.

Fat lady has sung on this idea

Oh dear.

It doesn't take much to make and/or design t-shirts.

Point proven above.

What we seem to have is a bizarre menagerie of The Simpsons, an award-winning ad from years ago (see below) and some incredibly sub-par draughtsmanship.



Here's just a couple of questions to the genious behind this creation.

WHO is the obese, nude lady?

WHY does she care where Bart Simpson is?

This is what happens when you smoke copious amounts of ganja early in the morning, because by the time you come up with "brilliant" ideas it's only lunchtime and you still have the entire afternoon to unfortunately put them into action.

Smooch queuing

Provided by Jagnew. Ta sir.

The Belittlest Petshop

Pets.

Pet animals.

Rather than see these as domesticated animals, who's purpose is to provide company and good feelings to humans, people ever so increasingly treat these animals as though they were actual humans.

But not just human acquaintances which they treat as equals with equal respect.

They seem to treat them as very feeble humans, such as a newborn baby or a quite elderly person.

I find this irksome.

However, I find the products sold by and to these sorts of pet owners, truly amusing.

See here:


Colour-coordinated pillows


There are several varieties of these dogmess devices on offer. A mere $150 US for the "system" and you can piss away another 65 buckaroonies for a replacement piece of fake grass for your pooch to poo on.


Oh, because one of my main fears at might is the condition of my pet's neck. Must remember to book my shitzu in for a shiatsu.


Steps OR the ramp. So versatile. You could just use your hands, but no, pay $200 dollars instead.


I mean, come on.


Ah this baptismal pet font is a particularly bold offender. Water's unpleasant taste? It's a cat, it drinks out of muddy puddles and licks its own bum. It is not a creature alarmed by unpleasant tastes.


"Turn the entrance to the corner and no one will know."Cats already find it humiliating going to the toilet, now you want to make it contort around a fake pot plant because you don't want people to ask about why the fake pot plant's pot has a door in it? How is this in any way a convenience?


Pets. They are like babies.


The middle product boasts it can rid pets of their "tear stains", I kid you not.


Handy if there's another blitzkrieg, your pet has its own camp stretcher. The pet will probably have better canned food than you though.


Pet Wheel-Away. PET WHEEL-AWAY. Are you laughing? Because I am.


That step-by-step pet potty training DVD must be obtained for comedic worth.