I wish this would be gone

Poo Picker

Thanks to 'Hips for the contribution.

Grand designs: Smoochness

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the laziest of them all?

But CLEVER lazy.

Perfect for no particular occasion

"Definition of NOVELTY
1: something new or unusual

2: the quality or state of being novel : newness

3: a small manufactured article intended mainly for personal or household adornment —usually used in plural

4: something (as a song or food item) that provides often fleeting amusement and is often based on a theme —often used attributively"

Apart from "unusual" there is not a jot of a match between definition and photo.

So what POSSIBLE reason can there be for this?

Thanks to Seedge Haywan for this shattering discovery.

Water = most likely safe.

Quite a startling contribution here from Pra. I believe this was captured in New York.

Findings in the US, year 3, part one

Recently I undertook a trip to one of my favourite locations to travel to, the United States. Because it's so large, it's full of so many great things. And so many, many more very awful things. This time, I also visited Canada, home to more awful and slightly fewer great things.

I present some of my latest findings for your perusal.



'Meals Made Simple' - see it's a whole cardboard box full of bacon. Not sure what meal this actually purports to simplify, unless there's a 'bacon tea' or 'late bacon supper' that i'm not aware of.



I thought this was a nice, vivid example of the kinds of food portions one can buy in the U.S. I did purchase a sandwich similar to the one on the right whilst in Canada, something called a 'dagwood'. It cost $5 and took three separate eating occasions to ingest.


Well, at least someone's trying.


Ah, Scripture Tea. That's what you need to answer all of life's curly questions - such as "What on Earth possessed me to buy apricot flavoured tea bags?"


The people who manufacture "Bod" body sprays perhaps took the premise "really smell like a man" a few steps too literally. Giant, walking on the moon type steps, that is.
I'm not sure what is more disturbing; the out-an-out gall of "Black", or the unpleasantness conjured by "Really Ripped Abs". And don't get me started on the pet-rid trigger applicator.
BUT THEY GOT FRESH GUY AU!!!


And as always, there were terrible shoes.


TERRIBLE shoes.

More to come.

Hots on for grubby ones?

Don't ask me what I was searching for, but this came up as a search result.
Completely irrelevant to what I was looking for.

But....

Just read that.

That seems wrong.

Not the gay thing, that's totally fine.

The not washing thing.

Just looking like a Roman, picking up the paper...

My favourite bit is where the girl picks the baby out of the sink, straight onto her shoulder.

If anyone is in some sort of friend circle where this is acceptable attire for an afternoon's meal, they need to get out of that situation quick-smart, or turn up next time with a Walther.

Hand sanitizer for catholics

Thanks to Captain Cruban for the submission.

Not as subtle as they imagine....

The Belittlest Petshop

Pets.

Pet animals.

Rather than see these as domesticated animals, who's purpose is to provide company and good feelings to humans, people ever so increasingly treat these animals as though they were actual humans.

But not just human acquaintances which they treat as equals with equal respect.

They seem to treat them as very feeble humans, such as a newborn baby or a quite elderly person.

I find this irksome.

However, I find the products sold by and to these sorts of pet owners, truly amusing.

See here:


Colour-coordinated pillows


There are several varieties of these dogmess devices on offer. A mere $150 US for the "system" and you can piss away another 65 buckaroonies for a replacement piece of fake grass for your pooch to poo on.


Oh, because one of my main fears at might is the condition of my pet's neck. Must remember to book my shitzu in for a shiatsu.


Steps OR the ramp. So versatile. You could just use your hands, but no, pay $200 dollars instead.


I mean, come on.


Ah this baptismal pet font is a particularly bold offender. Water's unpleasant taste? It's a cat, it drinks out of muddy puddles and licks its own bum. It is not a creature alarmed by unpleasant tastes.


"Turn the entrance to the corner and no one will know."Cats already find it humiliating going to the toilet, now you want to make it contort around a fake pot plant because you don't want people to ask about why the fake pot plant's pot has a door in it? How is this in any way a convenience?


Pets. They are like babies.


The middle product boasts it can rid pets of their "tear stains", I kid you not.


Handy if there's another blitzkrieg, your pet has its own camp stretcher. The pet will probably have better canned food than you though.


Pet Wheel-Away. PET WHEEL-AWAY. Are you laughing? Because I am.


That step-by-step pet potty training DVD must be obtained for comedic worth.

One of my all time favourite TradeMe collections...

WHAT IT IS: ^*^Bulk toiletries for sale - cheap!!*^*

DESCRIPTION OF AUCTION: "Mita Ionic Collection Ceramix Thermal hair brush for use when blow-drying your hair. Excellent second-hand condition.
Olay mousturizing cream for sensitive skin 100g (barely used)
Garnier Ambre Solaire light no-streaks bronzer, multi-directional self-tanning spray (Light Result) 125mL (~3/4 full)
Bodyshop papaya puree body lotion 250mL (90%full)
Nivea body radiant care soft shimmering body lotion (apricot extract & shimmer pigments) 200mL (85% full)
Avon sparkling sugar scents sugar dust body powder 50g (~half full)
Avon foot works double action sloughing cream 100g (~half full)
Dove rich nourishing beauty hand cream 75mL (~3/4 full)
Cool blue aloe vera medicated cooling gel with menthol for all minor cuts, scrapes and burns 340g (~80% full)
NZ Cancer society broad spectrum sunscreen spray 2-hour water resistant SPF 30+ 200g (~1/3 full)
Sunsilk volume anti-flat volumising spray 150mL (half full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection moisture cream for multi use from Israel 50mL (~1/3 full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection aromatic body lotion from Israel 100mL (~3/4 full)
Elisabeth Arden eye-fix primer 7.5mL (barely used)
Yu-Be moisturising skin cream 3g (brand new)
Nivea sun moisturising sunscreen lotion SPF 30+ 400mL (90% full) (this one got left out of the photo by accident)
Purell with aloe instant hand sanitizer 59mL (unused)
Eulactol cuticle and nail cream 20g (95% full)
Garnier summerbody moisturising lotion sun-kissed look with camomile extract (deep sun-kissed look) 250mL (~80% full)
Aveeno active naturals with cooling menthol - skin protectant for relief of extra dry, itchy skin 354 mL (~half full)
Reason for selling is that I am relocating overseas soon and dont have the capacity to take all this stuff with me, unfortunately. I have another auction for a bulk lot of nail polishes for sale, so check that out as well. :-)
All this stuff is pretty bulky, Im not sure how much it would cost to ship, so would prefer for someone to pick up."

PRICE: Start your bid on somebody's used toiletries for $20, or Buy Now for a staggering $35.

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None, although i'm tempted to ask how much the 1/3rd full bottle of Cancer Society sunscreen would be on its own if the auction doesn't sell.

'snot my idea of a good time*

Contributor T Lungz has stumbled onto the new Smooch Grotto of '10. First up is....




"Oozing Bathroom Fun!

The Nose Shower Gel Dispenser is a wacky, gross and funny - not to mention practical - addition to any bathroom or shower stall.

Just squeeze or press the Nose, and shower gel (YOU pick the color!) oozes out of the right nostril. The Nose Shower Gel Dispenser is easily refillable by unscrewing and replacing the cap on the back.

The Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser attaches easily to any flat surface with suction cups.

Measures 9" tall and includes instructions. A perfect unique gift for some one in need of some humorous hygiene.



Gooey Soapy Nostril Loving Fun for $14.95!!"


*i'm really, really sorry about this terrible pun.