People WILL sell anything...

Even leftover sachets of noodle flavouring, which have no monetary value, regardless of the amount.

WHAT IT IS: "*123 maggi 2min noodle flavouring packets* "

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Ever wish you had more flavour on your noodles? heres the answer....

My boyfriend eats about 3 packs of noodles a day with only 1 pack of flavouring.I started keeping them.
79 BEEF
44 CHICKEN"

(Thanks for the breakdown)

PRICE: $1. Yep. Oh and shipping is "$6.50 If its less than that i'll give it back." Give what exactly? A.k.a. "i'm too lazy to go to the post office".

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: None, although i'm almost inclined to ask why this was in the "Gaming > Other" category of TradeMe.

A big 1UP to Dan Tanner for this unique find.

Auction of Smooch recordings makes news

My friend Colin, once in a punk band that wasn't particularly good or successful*, ambitiously put out a 12" record on green vinyl, not the cheapest of formats. He pressed up 300 albums. He sold 40. One of the fortunate forty was yours truly.

Now Colin, appearing to be going through some sort of early mid-life crisis (the reality is much sweeter, having something to do with world travel and affairs of the heart) is selling many of his worldly possessions, including his pile of 200 and something Army Of Darkness albums in one job lot.

The subsequent TradeMe auction has received thousands of hits, mostly due to the engaging way it is written, and the amusing question and answer section. Check it out.

The auction has also made the front page of New Zealand's "Stuff" website; the article is transcribed below:

They played shows no-one went to, made records no-one bought and are only now getting the attention they had hoped for thanks to Trade Me.

Colin Mitchell put a bulk lot of 200-odd copies of his punk band's album on Trade Me last week - and it has since received more than 11,000 hits and 34 bids. As of Wednesday morning, bids had reached $111.

Army of Darkness printed 300 copies of its album Delamorte Dellamore on green vinyl in 2002 but sold only 40, losing more than $4500.

The record was even declared "too s**t to steal" after a friend fell asleep at a bus stop and had his wallet, cell phone, keys and shoes stolen - but not the album.

Mitchell kept the leftover copies of the album in his basement and recently put the whole collection on Trade Me, hoping that someone would buy them for the novelty factor, or to decorate their child's room with.

The Auckland man's sarcastic and witty auction - he describes the band as "the biggest mistake of my life" - has brought newfound attention to the group, which was together from 2001 to 2009.

He says the "cruddy" band struggled on like a dying man for "nine years longer than anyone wanted or needed".

"I thought the novelty factor would be enough but the music let us down," he said of the album's epic failure.

"It's been quite a tough experience because people keep giving them back to me. I thought they would eventually become a collector's edition but I was extremely wrong."

Mitchell has been answering questions in the same tone of his listing, telling people that he expected the records would be melted down or turned into wallpaper.

Despite the widespread attention, the bidding hasn't been fierce.

"Financially it is not a success but in terms of bringing attention to my failings it is," Mitchell said.

He promised that when the auction had reached the 10,000 mark he would put a link to the group's second album, which they appropriately titled Too S**t To Steal.

"I think they will be sorely disappointed when they hear it - it's just really not good," he said. "The combination of uselessness and further failure meant we didn't do anything with it."

* I was also in a punk band that wasn't particularly good or successful, The Poorly Rounded. Thankfully we had the presence of mind to make recordings on tape, and give them out to all seven fans we had.

Free used Pepsi bottle with purchase of Bedford Van

Hoo boy....



WHAT IT IS: "Bedford CF 1972 1972" (not sure why they had to emphasis 1972, unless it was a particularly good year for Bedford van production)

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Body: White / Rust, 4 door, Other

1972 bedford CF has alot of rust
but was a do up job
Has original Hub caps
and Original Engine
Engine still turns over and runs well


needs
new fuel line
new exhaust
and alot of work

has poptop with all attachments etc

please note poptop isnt bolted on as of yet
but comes with everything you need

also you get everything in the pictures except the 2 rotary sanders, Battery Charger, 6 Point Power Plug"

(So what it does come with, is an old Pepsi bottle holding a section of the engine's cooling system together.
I'm serious.)




PRICE: Start your bidding at $500, or Buy Now for $1,200. Hmm, maybe that Pepsi wasn't free after all.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

Here's a couple....

Question: Are you interseted in selling the hubcaps? stu58 (194 ) 7:23 pm, Thu 10 Mar
Answer: Possibly How much are you offering? 12:57 pm, Fri 11 Mar

Seller Comment: Also to awest225 the interior doesnt really exsist if you look at the pictures


Just a couple more startling photos before we finish......

One man's broken old junk is another man's broken old junk

Living in a kibbutz?

A setter of low expectations, so that you're never disappointed?

One of those "hardcore" wrestlers who hits themselves over the head with domestic appliances?

Then have we got a feature for you.

TradeMe (New Zealand's number one online auction website, fact fans) has a variety of listings for items that are, well.....broken. Kaput. Damaged. Not in working order.

And they're for sale!

Let's take a look:


WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Motorola, Half Pink Half silver' (a phone in case you hadn't guessed)

DETAIL OF AUCTION:"Here It Is If You Want It.

Check out my other great listings at great prices, items similar to this one."

(Here It Is If You Want It is the next catchy slogan from the people that brought you What You See Is What You Get)

PRICE: Someone has bid on this! You'll have to put up a whole $1.50, If You Want It.



(Oh boy)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken TV for sale ***DOLLAR RESERVE BROKEN TV***'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "As shown on the photos.

Broken Philip TV and the receiver for sale.
Comes with its 2 remote controllers and all the cables.

Once it was broken I never tried to see if it still works or not so I wouldn't know.

All the connections going into the TV receiver and TV itself are fine by the look of it.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions!

Happy bidding :)"

PRICE: Someone has also bid on this! Possibly the world's most optimistic repairman, an aforementioned wrestler-type, or some sort of fantastic combination of the two.


(remarkable focus on this snap)
WHAT IT IS: 'broken wind-up skeleton dinosaur'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "old and dusty - the little wires? that hold legs on are gone. To be taken as is.

Please ask quesstions - no refunds
Buyer to pay within 7days thanks"

PRICE: Start your bids at $8.50 , By Now for $12. Where do they get these prices?


(remember these?)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Fax' (This seller favours the short and to the point approach, almost to the point of curtness.)

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "can be used for parts"

(That's it. Can be used for parts? As though that's something people are looking for... 'hmm, really need some fax parts....i'll just pop on TradeMe....')

PRICE: $1. This is one auction you'd hope to be a day late and a dollar short.


(This one might be my favourite of the lot)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Landmaster Mower'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Landmaster Mower brought new in Jan/Feb 2009 from sole NZ distributor in Richmond, Nelson. Only had 5.5 Hrs use since new but broken more than 12 times. Cost $2995 plus GST but want what it has cost me to own and fix hence price. Have since found out that this type of mower has a history with multiple failures. Current condition has multiple cracks and a wheel carrier broken as per photo, also mower currently disassembled. Please note welds have no penitration and expect more failure with use. I offer no warranty with this mower. Any questions please ask. Photo quality poor but camera is broken at moment. If more photos required please ask. Price includes GST and receipt given to winning bidder"

(Just wow. WOW.)

PRICE: $5,635. Five thousand, six hundred and thirty five dollars. Bearing in mind it cost $2995 when new, and now it is anything but new.

The last one.... well, I just took the actual image of the auction, otherwise you may have not believed me.

I have marked the points of note.

Don't judge an old computer game by its cover

I mean really, you misspelled "mega" ?

(And before you ask, yes this is taken from an online auction. They'd have been better off taking everything out of the box and putting it in a plastic bag.)

Four wheels on my Kabin

(Easy access)

(I'm sure those fittings will remain like that whilst motoring down State Highway 1. Actually, maybe that's why these vehicles are always driven at a snail-like pace)

WHAT IT IS: ***Izuzu Motorhome***

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "This auction is for the following.....
1986 Isuzu NPR ELF house truck.
Registration on Hold
COF will be renewed on sale
Diesel 5 speed Exhaust Brake
Dual Wheels
Living area is 4.2m long 2.7m high 2.4m wide
Comes with single bed, couch/bed, cupboards, sink, gas cooker (all in one)
Carpeted inside, ample storage, room for fridge/freezer (not incl)
Wired with lights/plugs etc
Truck is in good condition,
excellent starter, travels well,
Can be decorated to taste.
Ideal Whitebaiting truck!!!!!"

PRICE: The bidding starts at $6,500. Yep.

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: None as yet.

Extreme Unicycle

Oh. Boy.

WHAT IT IS: "Nimbus ISIS Unicycle with Upgrades"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Ever wanted to do an extreme sport but didn't have the money to get into it? Well this is the sport for you. Extreme unicycling is an ever growing sport that anyone can get into

Here is a video of what can be done on this type of unicycle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kKoa5K8P0Y

Much loved extreme unicycle for Trials / Street and Flatland riding. Built to take abuse. Very strong and virtually bombproof. Great Christmas present for somebody to get into the sport or to upgrade your existing unicycle. Selling as I have since upgraded. Has over $600 worth of parts on it"

PRICE: The cost to lose your dignity? $400. Or you can start the bidding at a mere $380.

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: There is 1 unanswered question. I hope it's a good one.

A piece of shrit

WHAT IT IS: "TIE DYE BLUE VELVET SHRIT DRESS"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "very cool shirt dress.
Beautful electric blue tie dyed blue vlever. Never seen anything like it before, looks really good on, and everybody loves it!

Best fit: 8-10 for a dress look, 12 for a shirt
Condition: Good pre loved condition

Ask any questions :)"

PRICE: Start your bidding on this shrit/shirt/dress whatever it is at $8

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None

"Pre loved" is a winner.

Bag this...

WHAT IT IS: 'bean bag Bart Simpson'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "good condition
beans can be removed and the bag can be washed
buyers must collect"

PRICE: Start your bidding with twenty-five smackers.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: None as yet.

Cheers to Dan Tanner for another piece 'de smooch'

Well give 'em points for trying.....

....but none at all for the end result.


WHAT IT IS: Here we (presumably) have a fellow trying to sell his Audi sedan.

DETAIL OF AUCTION: Now, the description is fairly humdrum and stat-filled. So he's taken the step of trying to embellish the car's alleged attraction to members of the opposite sex.

Key word being "tried"


Hmm, the sun seems to be appearing in several directions here. And what has happened to the young lady's right hand?


Apparently, on Provincial State Highway 38, on the way to Lake Rerewhakaaitu there's a car wash staffed by three very average examples of the "Myspace girl"


And also, the same young lady from the beach shows up here too. Bit cold for that outfit isn't it?


Oh, and this definitely happened. You wouldn't believe the kind of women of loose virtue you'll find when you stop you car on the side of the road near Martinborough.

PRICE: Starts at $5,000. No takers as yet.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: hey mate, would you be keen on a deal? ll.xplicit.tj (5 ) 3:20 pm, Thu 7 Oct
A: no, thank you. 4:49 pm, Thu 7 Oc

Thanks to Nikon for this

Oh, do you listen to Irvana bro?

WHAT IT IS: "Awesome Artwork SKATEBOARD for sale: Going Cheap"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Condition: OK condition, Runs Perfectly

Size: about 79cm long and 20cm wide

Got Kurt Cobain, Bruce Lee and Also China's Chairman Mao protraits on the deck which I thought is pretty cool :)

** PLEASE NOTE: actual colour may differ from the picture shown due to difference in each individual's monitor's settings

Pick up area is in Albany, Auckland

Can be shipped when request"

PRICE: Buy now for $19.95 so maybe reconsider lighting that bonfire with that spare $20 note you had for just such an occasion.

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: None, sadly.



Thanks ever so much to Gasso for finding this amazing item.

Great for Stag, Hen, or Ostrich/Emu parties

WHAT IT IS: "NEW GREAT BLOW UP OSTRICH /EMU FANCY DRESS OUTFIT"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "BRAND NEW

GREAT BLOW UP OSTRICH / EMU FANCY DRESS OUTFIT.

BLOWS UP BY A CONSTANT FAN USING BATTERIES SO KEEPS YOU COOL.

Fastens by pull cords round the wrists, ankles and zip at the back.

Free batteries included worth $5

One size fits all

I post by next working day courier so if you pay today I post tomorrow and you get the item the day after. (Working days)

PICK FROM PARAPARAUMU IF YOU WANT

Take a look at my other listings for other costumes

Great for Stag & Hen partys etc

Buy 5 (can be a mix of outfits) and get free postage.

Keywords, mens ladies cowgirl cowboy suit costume party girl boy lady man men women womens"

PRICE: Bidding starts at .....$69 or Buy Now for $70 (WHAT?)

QUESTONS AND ANSWERS: None, although I am tempted to ask the seller when Ostrich/Emu (either/or, just totally different species there) were crossbred with the common duck.


Thanks to Lady Rose for this contribution full of wow factor.

He would not say "perfect"

Fuck. ing. hell.

WHAT IT IS: Authentic Clark's Wallabees - Tan Desert Boot

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Authentic pair of Clark's Wallabees!

Lovely tan, super comfortable and stylish!

These are a UK size 7, but I am a size 9 US and fit these fine, to give you some indication.

You can't beat genuine Clark's for quality!




wu tang keds vans loafers style england"

PRICE: Start the bidding at 50 smackers or cough up a whole $90 to buy them now. Yeah right.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: Two questions: 1. How old are they? 2. How much wear? drummer47 (175 ) 4:34 pm, Sun 27 Jun
Answer: Hey there, I bought these a few years ago. They have been in storage for a few years. They have some signs of wear on the outside, but in all they are in pretty good condition. But I would not say "perfect" 4:39 pm, Sun 27 Jun

Buyer must pick up

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Italian, molded 60" Slope racer, PICK UP ONLY

Model can be viewed and picked up from the BIG ASS Macrocarpa on Mt Wellington where I managed to gracefully land it....

May require some repair work....$102"


Thanks to Johnny A for the contribution

Toenailing Detailing

WHAT IT IS: "bath toilet mat 3 peice dolphin tan"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "bath toilet mat 3 peice

brand new

bath mat

70 cm by 48


toliet mat
52 by 46 cm


SEAT MAT 39 BY 32 CM

rubber backed"

PRICE: SOLD for $16. Quite the steal.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: "Question: hmm has anyones feet been on this?? missy_j.c (490 ) 12:01 am, Sun 20 Jun
Answer: hi no thanks 12:32 am, Sun 20 Jun "

You'll note if you go to the auction, the photo has been altered to rid it of the detestable foot neglect as spied in the shot above. But I am too quick for that.

Many thanks for Lady Rose for stomaching this and contributing.

It is a crazy sale (crazy is anybody who would want this)

WHAT IT IS: "1.2L Glass Celebration Goblet"

DETAIL OF ITEM: "1.2L Glass Celebration Goblet with Glitter Design
Features

* Celebration goblet
* 'Groom' in decorative, sparkling glitter
* Excellent for weddings or stag and does
* Fun for everyday use
* Hand wash only
* Glass capacity: 1.2L
* Glass dimensions: (H) 23.5cm x (D) 11.9cm
* Colour: Black with diamond-like glitter"

PRICE: NZ$9.95 incl. GST
Save 66% (RRP NZ$29.95)

Thanks to Mark for this fine find.

Foot Fattish

A couple of great contributions from Dan Tanner and Electric Boogalooser here.... both foot related...



WHAT IT IS: "REAL GIANTS SHOE!! HUGGGEEE!"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "I met a giant on tunnel beach in Dunedin. On the east coast. He said I could have the shoe as long as I gave him one of mine to remember me by. I only had an oneill 3/2mm surf bootie but this was exzactly what he wanted as he was getting sick of having wet shoes all day so this suited him perfectly. The end

HUUUGGEEE Vans novelty shoe!

Right shoe.

Size US 66.

Old slip-on check classic.

Great condition. Hardly worn ha.

This shoe is huugge!!! Looks sweet and the detailing is amazing. Looks exzactly like a normal size 9-10 shoe.

Any questions just ask."

PRICE: AUCTION CLOSED. Reserve not met. (What a surprise - Ed)

BUT ...WAIT...

"The Item was sold to another member"

They must have bartered a deal. I wonder if they reduced the price due to the mysterious staining, or perhaps the buyer wanted the fluro yellow Bic pen thrown in too.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: Question: omg very big feet i am size 18 biggest feet around in the wairarapa wow these will put mine too shame lol big feet = ? gudluck on sale (-; goodjah (143 ) 12:05 pm, Mon 14 Jun

Answer: Haha sweet bro! 12:14 pm, Mon 14 Jun



And then.....




Buy it for your sweet LaEvelyn or JaSapphire today.

One of my all time favourite TradeMe collections...

WHAT IT IS: ^*^Bulk toiletries for sale - cheap!!*^*

DESCRIPTION OF AUCTION: "Mita Ionic Collection Ceramix Thermal hair brush for use when blow-drying your hair. Excellent second-hand condition.
Olay mousturizing cream for sensitive skin 100g (barely used)
Garnier Ambre Solaire light no-streaks bronzer, multi-directional self-tanning spray (Light Result) 125mL (~3/4 full)
Bodyshop papaya puree body lotion 250mL (90%full)
Nivea body radiant care soft shimmering body lotion (apricot extract & shimmer pigments) 200mL (85% full)
Avon sparkling sugar scents sugar dust body powder 50g (~half full)
Avon foot works double action sloughing cream 100g (~half full)
Dove rich nourishing beauty hand cream 75mL (~3/4 full)
Cool blue aloe vera medicated cooling gel with menthol for all minor cuts, scrapes and burns 340g (~80% full)
NZ Cancer society broad spectrum sunscreen spray 2-hour water resistant SPF 30+ 200g (~1/3 full)
Sunsilk volume anti-flat volumising spray 150mL (half full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection moisture cream for multi use from Israel 50mL (~1/3 full)
Dead Sea Premier luxury collection aromatic body lotion from Israel 100mL (~3/4 full)
Elisabeth Arden eye-fix primer 7.5mL (barely used)
Yu-Be moisturising skin cream 3g (brand new)
Nivea sun moisturising sunscreen lotion SPF 30+ 400mL (90% full) (this one got left out of the photo by accident)
Purell with aloe instant hand sanitizer 59mL (unused)
Eulactol cuticle and nail cream 20g (95% full)
Garnier summerbody moisturising lotion sun-kissed look with camomile extract (deep sun-kissed look) 250mL (~80% full)
Aveeno active naturals with cooling menthol - skin protectant for relief of extra dry, itchy skin 354 mL (~half full)
Reason for selling is that I am relocating overseas soon and dont have the capacity to take all this stuff with me, unfortunately. I have another auction for a bulk lot of nail polishes for sale, so check that out as well. :-)
All this stuff is pretty bulky, Im not sure how much it would cost to ship, so would prefer for someone to pick up."

PRICE: Start your bid on somebody's used toiletries for $20, or Buy Now for a staggering $35.

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None, although i'm tempted to ask how much the 1/3rd full bottle of Cancer Society sunscreen would be on its own if the auction doesn't sell.

Pritty rear things

CLEARLY, this seller on TradeMe only sells repossessed cars. Yet, they received this question on an Auction for a 1996 BMW 540i:

Question: "would u be keen on a swap for a 81 holden commadore, lowerd on black 17" advantis, running a workd 202, Blue top head, custom sump, electirc dizzy, twin barral v8 carby. fresh white paint job, camo interior, chrome bumpers, no rust or anything.. goes nuts. $800 head unit with 6x9's in back and 6's up front. Pritty rear things, never see them round and if yu do there usually in shit condition" simco2 (6 ) 11:23 pm, Mon 24 May

Answer: Hi, sorry we dont swap vehicles but we can sell your car on your behalf. Call 0800 CARSELL if interested. Thanks

Easy to post... Easy to bin too

WHAT IT IS: "Eric Clapton Midi Files disc"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "This standard midifile hit misic is on a 3.5diskette. You need ancient equipment - any compatible midi palyback system. GM, all 3.5 SMF disc drives, IBM compatibles, Apple Mac, Atari, Amiga via DOS file exchange. The karaoke aspect is ideal for budding singers to train up. This one contains songs by Eric Clapton, Sunshine of your life, Lay down Sally, White Room, CoCaine, Bell Bottom Blues, Forever Man, Prescence of the Lord, Shes Waiting, Let it Grow, all made in Canada. Ideal for musician. Easy to post"

PRICE: Budding singers need only offer up $10.

COMMENT FORM SELLER: Question: is this still sealed? blepharitis (87 ) 12:57 pm, Fri 7 May (Why do they care? - Ed)
Answer: The packet has been opened but the midi disc looks spotless and unused to me.The donor told me that it was never used. Hope this helps Thank you for your question MM

("Donor". As though it was a kidney not some old tat found in a cupboard. - Ed)