Southland Hair Salon : Worst Ad

Even in 1986 or whenever this was, we knew this was stink.

I'll give you "Mustard Drizzle"

Well I have been a bit rubbish at posting lately.

Which is a shame as I actually do have plenty of content.

But right now, i'm about to head off once again to the USA. So I can only promise a longer delay in posting.

BUT I can also promise more content.

AMERICA.

Home of this....



JUST LOOK AT ITS "IT".

Poo Picker

Thanks to 'Hips for the contribution.

NZ Food Riots

"Two men angry about having to pay for a pie, drove their car into a shop, stole their meal and led police on a lengthy chase through Auckland city.

The incident was the second alleged case of food-rage in the region over the weekend.

Counties Manukau police spokeswoman Ana-Mari Gates-Bowey said the raid happened at the Mobil service station on Great South Rd, Papakura, late on Saturday night or early Sunday morning after one of the men went to the petrol station's pie warmer, picked up several pies and placed one inside his jacket.

He then asked the attendant if he could have one pie for free but was told he would have to pay for all of them, Gates-Bowey said.

"So he goes out of the garage, he's obviously in a little bit of a mood, and speaks to his mate who's in the car.

"Then the guy decides... That he's going to go back in there and just get his pie."

He was frustrated further when he discovered the attendant had since locked the doors.

The man returned to the car where he and his friend decided they would find another way to enter the store.

The car was then driven through the doors.

"[The first man] gets out of the car, goes in, picks up his pies off the counter and does a runner."

The pair then led police on a chase from Papakura to Pukekohe.

The men were eventually arrested after their car tyres were spiked several times.

The hungry twosome appeared in Papakura District Court yesterday charged with offences including burglary and failing to stop for police.

They will reappear next month.

On Friday David Junior Ilolahia allegedly flew into a rage after staff at the Wendy's restaurant in Lynfield mucked up his order.

The Blockhouse Bay resident allegedly smashed tills, flipped tables and assaulted a police officer who responded to the incident.

After being apprehended he was taken to hospital to be treated for injuries he had suffered during arrest.

Ilolahia was charged with threatening behaviour, assaulting police, disorderly behaviour and resisting police as a result.

He is due to appear in court later this week.

Wendy's representatives say he is not banned from the restaurant but owes staff an apology."

-From Stuff.co.nz

In the section labelled "Fart" at your newsagent

Where to even begin?

Probably examining the conscience of the people who come up with these cards....

Grand designs: Smoochness

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the laziest of them all?

But CLEVER lazy.

Tell it to me straight

You can be a carny tell talking out of both sides of your mouth, until your media buyer puts both sides adjacent to each other.

Oops.

Irked Theater Texter in the Magnited States

Top tip: Asshole or not, don't leave voice messages when drunk, pissed off and completely in the wrong to begin with.

Big ups to Ms Ace for this one.

Social Tattoo

Unacceptable collections, number 1 in a series:

An utterly successful way to repudiate one's self from the rest of the shoe-and-sock wearing world.
Look at that staining. My teeth even feel somehow offended.

Thanks to Jigga for this one.

Hey ladies, you can stay at my place for FREE (wink, wink)

This lad has an interesting idea, involving letting a female of the age of 30 stay at his abode for "free".

Well, just read it.

If you'd like to see the description in a larger size, click the image below (you'll also see a photo of the chap in question).

Big Mac Man hits 13.5 million calorie mark

(I have taken this straight from the source as it needs no re-wording.)

Fond du Lac's Big Mac man expected to hit 25,000 milestone next week
By Russell Plummer
The Reporter

Don Gorske sometimes cannot taste the Big Macs he eats every day.


But he keeps eating and next week he expects to hit another Big Mac Milestone: On May 17, Gorske plans to consume his 25,000th Big Mac.

Gorske, 57, says that since birth his taste buds have fluctuated in sensitivity, possibly worsening when he worked inside tanks at a factory.

However, not knowing if he’ll taste the Big Macs has not dampened his love for the McDonald’s staple.

He began eating the high-calorie special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun burgers on May 17 in 1972.

Gorske has structured his eating habits so he will devour his 25,000th Big Mac at about 3 p.m. May 17 inside the McDonald’s at 699 S. Military Ave. — exactly 39 years since he drove his father’s Dodge Polara to the original McDonald’s on Military Avenue and fell in love with the sandwich.

A handful of days this year he ate one Big Mac so he would hit the milestone on his Big Mac anniversary.

“A person like me, I just don’t change too much,” Gorske said. “It’s pretty much two Big Macs a day. When I can travel to sporting events, I like to take my Big Mac along.”

May 17 will also be Gorske’s retirement party. He has spent 25 years as a scheduling officer inside the walls of Waupun Correctional Institution.

Gorske hopes to be surrounded by friends and family Tuesday at McDonald’s where the first 300 people will be getting Gorske buttons and free meal coupons.

He will also be showing three displays only viewed by his family and the Guinness Book of World Records — the receipts, 10,000 Big Mac cartons and calendars documenting his obsession.

The need to keep track of his Big Mac consumption is part of the obsessive-compulsive disorder he has dealt with since childhood.

He wonders what his children will do with his collection, which is neatly stored in bins in his home.

“Are these going to be worth anything because their dad was crazy?” Gorske wondered.


Obsession

In 1990 — the year Gorske ate his 10,000th Big Mac — a tornado damaged the roof of his home and made a mess of his collection.

Gorske had to do the unthinkable.

“I thought, ‘I might as well get rid of them.’ I burned like 7,000 cartons over at my brother-in-law’s farm,” Gorske said.

He said his receipts and a special witness – his wife, Mary — validate his obsession.

Gorske now purchases six Big Macs on Monday and eight on Thursday. He has a spare in his freezer in case of an emergency and a special one frozen inside a container.

His eyes light up and his speech quickens when he talks about McDonald’s. A huge grin comes to his face as he pops the lid off a container in his freezer and displays the last Big Mac made on Oct. 23, 2008, at the Military Avenue McDonald’s before it was torn down in favor of a redesigned restaurant erected next door.

In his basement are relics from the original McDonald’s on Military. On a section of the wall is the seat he sat in during the film “Super Size Me,” and the booth seat where he and his father enjoyed his 10,000th Big Mac.

He stores two Big Macs in his luggage in case he cannot find a McDonald’s when he travels.

Gorske even ate a Big Mac from Hawaii that a friend mailed to him.

“I froze it and then I baked it in the oven for 15 minutes at 400 degrees,” Gorske said. “I figured if that didn’t kill the germs, nothing would.”

His wife, a nurse, just shakes her head when Gorske tells the tale of his Hawaii burger.

Since Don just eats Big Macs and takes no vitamins, Mary has convinced her husband to purchase parfaits when he goes to McDonald’s.

In 1985, Gorske went to the doctor for a physical so he could work in the prison. On April 26 this year, he finally returned to the doctor and found out he is in good health with a cholesterol level at 156 mg/dL. Average good cholesterol rating for men age 50 and older is 208 mg/dL.

Gorske estimated he has consumed well over 200,000 Coca-Colas with his Big Macs.

He has saved every UPC since Coca-Cola went from glass bottles to aluminum cans.


Milestone reached

Gorske predicts the 25,000th Big Mac will overshadow his 20,000th celebration.

“I think 25,000 is a pretty awesome number. I’ll never live long enough to eat 50,000,” he said.

If he lives as long as his dad, Gorske will have consumed 40,000 Big Macs when he turns 86.

“I eat what I need to survive,” Gorske said.


(A few more facts before we go, courtesy of the Huffington Post)

"Gorske's wife Mary has convinced him to consume McDonald's parfaits since he does not take any vitamins and subsists mostly on Big Macs (we're a bit dubious of this suggestion as McDonald's parfaits have 21 grams of sugar per serving).

One Big Mac serving has 540 calories and 29 grams of fat. So, in total, Gorske has consumed about 13,500,000 total calories and 725,000 grams of fat from Big Macs."

What's worse than having your knickers in a wad?

THESE.



Thanks to Milka and the good people at Regretsy* for this find.




*Regretsy is a Smoochest type site based on finds from Etsy, sort of an 'Arts and Crafts' themed United States version of TradeMe. Yes, it's as bad as that description makes it sound.

A current update on the Prime Minister of New Zealand

He has also taken to wearing a New Age healing bracelet*

*healing properties pending.

Hots on for grubby ones?

Don't ask me what I was searching for, but this came up as a search result.
Completely irrelevant to what I was looking for.

But....

Just read that.

That seems wrong.

Not the gay thing, that's totally fine.

The not washing thing.

John Jacobson's Double Dream Hands

More 'wonderful' old dating videos

THAT. IS. FINE.

Smooch Christmas shopping

Being a dickhead's cool

Magic. Thanks to Old King Cole for this video.

Rear rub down

Cheers to The Butcher for capturing this.