Unacceptable collections, number 1 in a series:

An utterly successful way to repudiate one's self from the rest of the shoe-and-sock wearing world.
Look at that staining. My teeth even feel somehow offended.

Thanks to Jigga for this one.

Contributor A. Dyer of Auckland has let us know about a new site in New Zealand, smoochcollection.co.nz

Apparently they purport to sell "Just Smooch" items.

And the first thing on the drop-down menu of items is "clearance".

It could just be an unfortunate choice of name, or will it be more prophetic than it initially appears? Stay tuned.

Hey ladies, you can stay at my place for FREE (wink, wink)

This lad has an interesting idea, involving letting a female of the age of 30 stay at his abode for "free".

Well, just read it.

If you'd like to see the description in a larger size, click the image below (you'll also see a photo of the chap in question).

Certainly not an Act of God, he's just not that cruel

Tornados are a "food" item that can be found in supermarket freezers and gas station food warmers across the United States.

They taste even worse than they look, which takes some doing.

Because..... well, just LOOK at them.





If that's the best a photographer can do, then just imagine the real thing.

And if that wasn't enough, FULL FORCE YOUR FACE.



Wow,

Water = most likely safe.

Quite a startling contribution here from Pra. I believe this was captured in New York.

Findings in the US, guest contribution.

Young contributor C. Jae Hwan (perhaps of Korean extraction), currently living in the United States, has recently sent me several of his (or her) findings.

Allegedly, these are all item of food. That is, you can eat them. If you must.



I love the contrast between the whimsical packaging, and the unspeakable horror of the contents.
And what exactly do the depictions of citrus and sliced avocados have to do with anything? Anyone?



Apart from the bargain-basement level of artwork, the "rainbow tango" found inside, upon closer inspection, appears to be peanuts and sultanas.



I don't doubt that these are both "hot ("and" - Editor) ready", but the primary claim does beg severe questioning. If one were to define irresistible, I sincerely doubt these artery-clotting buns of burden would approach even the loosest inclusion.

Also, why are American so afraid of vegetables? Everything is meat and cheese, or alternatively, just meat. Perhaps it has something to do with preservatives and being able to increase the shelf-life of these items ten-fold.

Big Mac Man hits 13.5 million calorie mark

(I have taken this straight from the source as it needs no re-wording.)

Fond du Lac's Big Mac man expected to hit 25,000 milestone next week
By Russell Plummer
The Reporter

Don Gorske sometimes cannot taste the Big Macs he eats every day.


But he keeps eating and next week he expects to hit another Big Mac Milestone: On May 17, Gorske plans to consume his 25,000th Big Mac.

Gorske, 57, says that since birth his taste buds have fluctuated in sensitivity, possibly worsening when he worked inside tanks at a factory.

However, not knowing if he’ll taste the Big Macs has not dampened his love for the McDonald’s staple.

He began eating the high-calorie special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun burgers on May 17 in 1972.

Gorske has structured his eating habits so he will devour his 25,000th Big Mac at about 3 p.m. May 17 inside the McDonald’s at 699 S. Military Ave. — exactly 39 years since he drove his father’s Dodge Polara to the original McDonald’s on Military Avenue and fell in love with the sandwich.

A handful of days this year he ate one Big Mac so he would hit the milestone on his Big Mac anniversary.

“A person like me, I just don’t change too much,” Gorske said. “It’s pretty much two Big Macs a day. When I can travel to sporting events, I like to take my Big Mac along.”

May 17 will also be Gorske’s retirement party. He has spent 25 years as a scheduling officer inside the walls of Waupun Correctional Institution.

Gorske hopes to be surrounded by friends and family Tuesday at McDonald’s where the first 300 people will be getting Gorske buttons and free meal coupons.

He will also be showing three displays only viewed by his family and the Guinness Book of World Records — the receipts, 10,000 Big Mac cartons and calendars documenting his obsession.

The need to keep track of his Big Mac consumption is part of the obsessive-compulsive disorder he has dealt with since childhood.

He wonders what his children will do with his collection, which is neatly stored in bins in his home.

“Are these going to be worth anything because their dad was crazy?” Gorske wondered.


Obsession

In 1990 — the year Gorske ate his 10,000th Big Mac — a tornado damaged the roof of his home and made a mess of his collection.

Gorske had to do the unthinkable.

“I thought, ‘I might as well get rid of them.’ I burned like 7,000 cartons over at my brother-in-law’s farm,” Gorske said.

He said his receipts and a special witness – his wife, Mary — validate his obsession.

Gorske now purchases six Big Macs on Monday and eight on Thursday. He has a spare in his freezer in case of an emergency and a special one frozen inside a container.

His eyes light up and his speech quickens when he talks about McDonald’s. A huge grin comes to his face as he pops the lid off a container in his freezer and displays the last Big Mac made on Oct. 23, 2008, at the Military Avenue McDonald’s before it was torn down in favor of a redesigned restaurant erected next door.

In his basement are relics from the original McDonald’s on Military. On a section of the wall is the seat he sat in during the film “Super Size Me,” and the booth seat where he and his father enjoyed his 10,000th Big Mac.

He stores two Big Macs in his luggage in case he cannot find a McDonald’s when he travels.

Gorske even ate a Big Mac from Hawaii that a friend mailed to him.

“I froze it and then I baked it in the oven for 15 minutes at 400 degrees,” Gorske said. “I figured if that didn’t kill the germs, nothing would.”

His wife, a nurse, just shakes her head when Gorske tells the tale of his Hawaii burger.

Since Don just eats Big Macs and takes no vitamins, Mary has convinced her husband to purchase parfaits when he goes to McDonald’s.

In 1985, Gorske went to the doctor for a physical so he could work in the prison. On April 26 this year, he finally returned to the doctor and found out he is in good health with a cholesterol level at 156 mg/dL. Average good cholesterol rating for men age 50 and older is 208 mg/dL.

Gorske estimated he has consumed well over 200,000 Coca-Colas with his Big Macs.

He has saved every UPC since Coca-Cola went from glass bottles to aluminum cans.


Milestone reached

Gorske predicts the 25,000th Big Mac will overshadow his 20,000th celebration.

“I think 25,000 is a pretty awesome number. I’ll never live long enough to eat 50,000,” he said.

If he lives as long as his dad, Gorske will have consumed 40,000 Big Macs when he turns 86.

“I eat what I need to survive,” Gorske said.


(A few more facts before we go, courtesy of the Huffington Post)

"Gorske's wife Mary has convinced him to consume McDonald's parfaits since he does not take any vitamins and subsists mostly on Big Macs (we're a bit dubious of this suggestion as McDonald's parfaits have 21 grams of sugar per serving).

One Big Mac serving has 540 calories and 29 grams of fat. So, in total, Gorske has consumed about 13,500,000 total calories and 725,000 grams of fat from Big Macs."

Findings in the US, year 3, part one

Recently I undertook a trip to one of my favourite locations to travel to, the United States. Because it's so large, it's full of so many great things. And so many, many more very awful things. This time, I also visited Canada, home to more awful and slightly fewer great things.

I present some of my latest findings for your perusal.



'Meals Made Simple' - see it's a whole cardboard box full of bacon. Not sure what meal this actually purports to simplify, unless there's a 'bacon tea' or 'late bacon supper' that i'm not aware of.



I thought this was a nice, vivid example of the kinds of food portions one can buy in the U.S. I did purchase a sandwich similar to the one on the right whilst in Canada, something called a 'dagwood'. It cost $5 and took three separate eating occasions to ingest.


Well, at least someone's trying.


Ah, Scripture Tea. That's what you need to answer all of life's curly questions - such as "What on Earth possessed me to buy apricot flavoured tea bags?"


The people who manufacture "Bod" body sprays perhaps took the premise "really smell like a man" a few steps too literally. Giant, walking on the moon type steps, that is.
I'm not sure what is more disturbing; the out-an-out gall of "Black", or the unpleasantness conjured by "Really Ripped Abs". And don't get me started on the pet-rid trigger applicator.
BUT THEY GOT FRESH GUY AU!!!


And as always, there were terrible shoes.


TERRIBLE shoes.

More to come.

Double thumbs down? Not to Kiwis.

New Zealanders are generally a sensible, down-to-earth bunch.

Which makes it even more mystifying that the Kiwi folk recently went completely bezerkoid nuts for KFC's notoriously vulgar Double Down Burger, having bought into the hype of the item of 'food' being very American (and thus, very non-NZ).

In fact, the locals QUEUED UP to try this unsophisticated grease trap, to the tune of thousands across the country. Tens of thousands.



Here you can see.

Reports afterward were that most ingesters of the product felt terrible afterward. And at $7.90 a 'sandwich', they probably felt a burning sensation in the pocket as well as the gut.

But credit to KFC for the marketing. Because, just look at it.

No, I haven't diappeared off the face fo the earth...

...i'm on a six-week wrestling tour of the United States and Canada. The kingdom of the smooch. Rest assured, there will photos and content to share with you upon my return.

Music today

As of posting, this.... "tune" currently has 5.3 million views.

Free used Pepsi bottle with purchase of Bedford Van

Hoo boy....



WHAT IT IS: "Bedford CF 1972 1972" (not sure why they had to emphasis 1972, unless it was a particularly good year for Bedford van production)

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Body: White / Rust, 4 door, Other

1972 bedford CF has alot of rust
but was a do up job
Has original Hub caps
and Original Engine
Engine still turns over and runs well


needs
new fuel line
new exhaust
and alot of work

has poptop with all attachments etc

please note poptop isnt bolted on as of yet
but comes with everything you need

also you get everything in the pictures except the 2 rotary sanders, Battery Charger, 6 Point Power Plug"

(So what it does come with, is an old Pepsi bottle holding a section of the engine's cooling system together.
I'm serious.)




PRICE: Start your bidding at $500, or Buy Now for $1,200. Hmm, maybe that Pepsi wasn't free after all.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

Here's a couple....

Question: Are you interseted in selling the hubcaps? stu58 (194 ) 7:23 pm, Thu 10 Mar
Answer: Possibly How much are you offering? 12:57 pm, Fri 11 Mar

Seller Comment: Also to awest225 the interior doesnt really exsist if you look at the pictures


Just a couple more startling photos before we finish......

82 tattoos of Julia Roberts

And every one of them a banger.
There might not even be one that closely resembles her.

More tremendous photos here.

Cheers to Tatsie for quite a remarkable contribution.

It's about time these things carried a warning.

CAUTION: Your shoes are stupid. You may be shot on sight.

Thanks to MsAce for the great find.

What's worse than having your knickers in a wad?

THESE.



Thanks to Milka and the good people at Regretsy* for this find.




*Regretsy is a Smoochest type site based on finds from Etsy, sort of an 'Arts and Crafts' themed United States version of TradeMe. Yes, it's as bad as that description makes it sound.

One man's broken old junk is another man's broken old junk

Living in a kibbutz?

A setter of low expectations, so that you're never disappointed?

One of those "hardcore" wrestlers who hits themselves over the head with domestic appliances?

Then have we got a feature for you.

TradeMe (New Zealand's number one online auction website, fact fans) has a variety of listings for items that are, well.....broken. Kaput. Damaged. Not in working order.

And they're for sale!

Let's take a look:


WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Motorola, Half Pink Half silver' (a phone in case you hadn't guessed)

DETAIL OF AUCTION:"Here It Is If You Want It.

Check out my other great listings at great prices, items similar to this one."

(Here It Is If You Want It is the next catchy slogan from the people that brought you What You See Is What You Get)

PRICE: Someone has bid on this! You'll have to put up a whole $1.50, If You Want It.



(Oh boy)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken TV for sale ***DOLLAR RESERVE BROKEN TV***'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "As shown on the photos.

Broken Philip TV and the receiver for sale.
Comes with its 2 remote controllers and all the cables.

Once it was broken I never tried to see if it still works or not so I wouldn't know.

All the connections going into the TV receiver and TV itself are fine by the look of it.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions!

Happy bidding :)"

PRICE: Someone has also bid on this! Possibly the world's most optimistic repairman, an aforementioned wrestler-type, or some sort of fantastic combination of the two.


(remarkable focus on this snap)
WHAT IT IS: 'broken wind-up skeleton dinosaur'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "old and dusty - the little wires? that hold legs on are gone. To be taken as is.

Please ask quesstions - no refunds
Buyer to pay within 7days thanks"

PRICE: Start your bids at $8.50 , By Now for $12. Where do they get these prices?


(remember these?)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Fax' (This seller favours the short and to the point approach, almost to the point of curtness.)

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "can be used for parts"

(That's it. Can be used for parts? As though that's something people are looking for... 'hmm, really need some fax parts....i'll just pop on TradeMe....')

PRICE: $1. This is one auction you'd hope to be a day late and a dollar short.


(This one might be my favourite of the lot)
WHAT IT IS: 'Broken Landmaster Mower'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Landmaster Mower brought new in Jan/Feb 2009 from sole NZ distributor in Richmond, Nelson. Only had 5.5 Hrs use since new but broken more than 12 times. Cost $2995 plus GST but want what it has cost me to own and fix hence price. Have since found out that this type of mower has a history with multiple failures. Current condition has multiple cracks and a wheel carrier broken as per photo, also mower currently disassembled. Please note welds have no penitration and expect more failure with use. I offer no warranty with this mower. Any questions please ask. Photo quality poor but camera is broken at moment. If more photos required please ask. Price includes GST and receipt given to winning bidder"

(Just wow. WOW.)

PRICE: $5,635. Five thousand, six hundred and thirty five dollars. Bearing in mind it cost $2995 when new, and now it is anything but new.

The last one.... well, I just took the actual image of the auction, otherwise you may have not believed me.

I have marked the points of note.

This is also not on

NO.

Thanks to Puff for this picture to which I am incredibly aghast.

A current update on the Prime Minister of New Zealand

He has also taken to wearing a New Age healing bracelet*

*healing properties pending.

Hots on for grubby ones?

Don't ask me what I was searching for, but this came up as a search result.
Completely irrelevant to what I was looking for.

But....

Just read that.

That seems wrong.

Not the gay thing, that's totally fine.

The not washing thing.

John Jacobson's Double Dream Hands