Bag this...

WHAT IT IS: 'bean bag Bart Simpson'

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "good condition
beans can be removed and the bag can be washed
buyers must collect"

PRICE: Start your bidding with twenty-five smackers.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: None as yet.

Cheers to Dan Tanner for another piece 'de smooch'

Well give 'em points for trying.....

....but none at all for the end result.


WHAT IT IS: Here we (presumably) have a fellow trying to sell his Audi sedan.

DETAIL OF AUCTION: Now, the description is fairly humdrum and stat-filled. So he's taken the step of trying to embellish the car's alleged attraction to members of the opposite sex.

Key word being "tried"


Hmm, the sun seems to be appearing in several directions here. And what has happened to the young lady's right hand?


Apparently, on Provincial State Highway 38, on the way to Lake Rerewhakaaitu there's a car wash staffed by three very average examples of the "Myspace girl"


And also, the same young lady from the beach shows up here too. Bit cold for that outfit isn't it?


Oh, and this definitely happened. You wouldn't believe the kind of women of loose virtue you'll find when you stop you car on the side of the road near Martinborough.

PRICE: Starts at $5,000. No takers as yet.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: hey mate, would you be keen on a deal? ll.xplicit.tj (5 ) 3:20 pm, Thu 7 Oct
A: no, thank you. 4:49 pm, Thu 7 Oc

Thanks to Nikon for this

So that's where the dog's blanket has gone.

Cheers to Tatsie for the contrib.

Rear rub down

Cheers to The Butcher for capturing this.

Something for the ladies

The Man Repeller




A discourse in clothing that neither appeals to women and especially not to men.

Oh, do you listen to Irvana bro?

WHAT IT IS: "Awesome Artwork SKATEBOARD for sale: Going Cheap"

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Condition: OK condition, Runs Perfectly

Size: about 79cm long and 20cm wide

Got Kurt Cobain, Bruce Lee and Also China's Chairman Mao protraits on the deck which I thought is pretty cool :)

** PLEASE NOTE: actual colour may differ from the picture shown due to difference in each individual's monitor's settings

Pick up area is in Albany, Auckland

Can be shipped when request"

PRICE: Buy now for $19.95 so maybe reconsider lighting that bonfire with that spare $20 note you had for just such an occasion.

QUESTIONS and ANSWERS: None, sadly.



Thanks ever so much to Gasso for finding this amazing item.

And i thought my Dino Riders comic book was lame...

"Danica Patrick Comic Book: Bluewater Productions has already brought new readers to sequential storytelling with its Political Power, Female Force and Fame comic book biography series. Now the independent comics company is reaching out to the members of NASCAR nation with its latest comic: Fame: Danica Patrick. Bluewater's latest biography comic traces Patrick's rise through the male-dominated ranks of auto racing. It also explores the fascination that the public has with Patrick. Writer CW Cooke, who has also penned Bluewater's top-selling Taylor Swift biography comic, said that even the most devoted of fans will learn something new about Patrick after reading this book. Danica Patrick will hit comic book shops and online retailers like Amazon in December."



Apart from the chequered background, is there any clue that this is a person who has achieved a level of "fame" by racing cars for a living?

Mixed messages

But quality is the outtake, either way.

smooch logging situ

Cheers to Corsican for the contrib.

We don't Thneed this

Contributor Ruban brings us a real peach here, a real piece of Human Smooch Ingenuity, where people manage to conceive and design something that the next person would have harmlessly laughed off as a nonsensical thought.


To quote from the engadget website "Uh, er, that's the Body-laptop Interface. The idea is to provide the user "privacy, warmth, and concentration" when using a laptop in public spaces. It's just a concept for now"

Well if it does become a reality, at least you won't need to go online to find out that the person across from you in the coffee shop is a complete fuckwit. Actually, maybe they could turn this into something beneficial - a punishment to the types of people who most moronic, antagonistic comments to Youtube videos.

Footwear of Japan

The Japanese love a good shoe. Well, actually they love shoes of any type, good, eyewateringly horrendous, impractical, garish, whatever, as long as it's new.



Here, for example is a television shopping channel advertising shoes. In this case, they spent up to 8 minutes bending the shoe by hand, then pursing it apart, perhaps in theory trying to convey the "comfort" of this particular style, but in reality, pre-smooching the shoe prior to purchase.

And now, some pictures....


A decidedly flaccid, oddly coloured jandal.


In the Nike Store in Harajuku, customers may personalise and customise their own Nike shoe, thereby making "individual" and "unique". Of course, there's no accounting for taste...


....For example.


Here's a new design from Asics. It's completely acceptable. Well, to be fair, it's only moderately bizarre in a country that retails the following examples of shoe for the otherwise-sane human being.....


these....in case you were looking for a shoe that evoked strong memories of an amphibious vehicle...


...these...that offer multiple option for doing up the shoe, including the previously-unseen "3/4 skew lacing", which having now seen, it's previous lack of commonality within shoe design is not a mystery...


...shoes that look like hippie ribbons...


...shoes that are heavily coated in animal pelting (I bet these smell phenomenal after a summer's day)...


....shoes that have been designed to save on ...on.... ...whatever that thing is made out of...


....or you can have it in this cheerful fruity variant...


....shoes that look like a grim-faced, middle-aged lesbians well-worn beanbag that her old dog spends the day upon, farting incessantly...


...dozens of revolting sandals (but then, Japan is not alone bequeathing such monstrosities upon its populous)...


....these... these.... THESE!!!


...and obviously, being Japan, there's the cartoon version of the "Gumby Thwomper", just in case you had a single shred of dignity left that you were looking to erase for all eternity...

But then, my main squeeze secured herself a fantastic pair of Japan-only Nike hightops.

So in summary, Japan is fantastic, wacky, confusing, incongruous, and the home to many terrible shoes. Bless.

Literally Japan

This shop disappointingly did not live up to its name.



This shop, thankfully did not live up to its name.



For all you female golfers out there, there's Golf Waggle.

So it's late at night, you're hungry, and you're in Japan...

.....maybe you've even had a few biru, even a jug or two of Suntory Whisky, so you're pretty much keen to eat anything.

So you head into the convenience store, and start picking things up.


Looks promising... even though you wouldn't normally eat a hamburger, cold, from a convenience store.

Hmm, maybe you'd better take another look at that....



Ah. Actually, you think you'd rather muddle your way through the little Japanese you know and enjoy a restaurant meal instead.

Peak performance

Thanks to Dan T.

JAPAN~!

I recently spent 9 days in Japan.

Photos coming soon.

KFC make threepeat of eyebrow raising decisions

Not content with already bringing us the Double Down burger and developing the Skinwich (see earlier entries), KFC - or, more correctly in this instance, their parent company Yum Brands - have fronted up with the money to help construct a brand new event facility in Louisville, Kentucky. The catch? They have the naming right.

So yes, say hello to the KFC Yum! Center.



Here's some PR wiffle on this nonsense:

"Louisville Downtown Arena Officially Becomes KFC Yum! Center
Yum! Brands, LAA, Team Services Announce Long-Term Arena Naming Rights Agreement

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (April 19, 2010) – It’s official. Yum! Brands, a prominent, global corporation proud of its Louisville roots and extensive community involvement will stamp its name on the city’s newest addition. Effective immediately, KFC Yum! Center will be the new name for the 721,000 square-foot, downtown arena slated to open on time this fall. "

Some of the quote are quite chortle-inducing too:

"“We are absolutely thrilled to unveil our new arena name, KFC Yum! Center,” said Jim Host, Chair of the Louisville Arena Authority. “We have been patient throughout this process, knowing the excitement was building for this particular day when we could announce which company would capitalize on this marquee naming rights partnership."

The naming rights deal even extends to signage on the roof. For all those of you in Airships who happen to be passing over the venue.

Frankly, the whole thing leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

This week's canned good: Sandwiches

(amusingly, i misspelt the title as "This week's canned god." They wish.)



Oh yes. You are looking at a variety of canned sandwiches.

At first, I thought "every day, the world gets a bit lazier" and was about to launch into a tirade. But then I found this video....

Here's CEO of Candwich (what a title that is to bestow on one's self) Mark Kirkland talking to some Australian television presenters, who are already sniggering over the idea before he can explain it:



YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT!

So, it's designed to fit in a can - for convenience.

It's designed to fit into a vending machine - for convenience.

But then you have to make it yourself.

Neat as.

p.s. Anyone keen on that BBQ Chicken one, especially near the end of its use-by date?

Thought not.

Fat lady has sung on this idea

Oh dear.

It doesn't take much to make and/or design t-shirts.

Point proven above.

What we seem to have is a bizarre menagerie of The Simpsons, an award-winning ad from years ago (see below) and some incredibly sub-par draughtsmanship.



Here's just a couple of questions to the genious behind this creation.

WHO is the obese, nude lady?

WHY does she care where Bart Simpson is?

This is what happens when you smoke copious amounts of ganja early in the morning, because by the time you come up with "brilliant" ideas it's only lunchtime and you still have the entire afternoon to unfortunately put them into action.

Unskinny Burger

KFC, already infamous for their 'Double Down Burger' that seemingly constructed solely to give people's lower intestinal tract a fearsome workout, are now developing something to do the same to people's hearts and associated plumbing. The Skinwich.

Here's a quote from just one of thousands of everyday humans, equipped with a fully-functioning brain, who are expressing their confusion and disdain for this bizarre, disgusting idea:

"for the love of god ....it must be a joke!?? KFC new development something a delicious as a Skinwich?

What is a Skinwich you ask? it’s 5 layers of the colonel's fried chicken skin, lumped on a bun and topped with all American cheese and two slices of delicious bacon as an extra special prezzie to your arteries this cant be true"

And you thought Arby's were the champions of "Worlds Laziest Burger Chain", well it looks like they have a serious contender to that crown.

One size fits all

Even when it doesn't.

Thanks to Corsi for this, Corsi is in fact the king of sourcing smooch caps and headwear. we will have a feature on these very soon.