Smooch Job Description

"We are looking for 35 enthusiastic individuals who want to be part of our exciting new store! We have part time, casual, and full time work available for individuals who are ‘Customer Maniacs’, exceed expectation and want to become part of a great team.

Our Levin store is a special place where you will have the opportunity to develop your career and for those who ‘shine’career progression is real!"

This is for the branch of KFC located in the small New Zealand town of Levin (at one point the 'suicide capital' of the country).

Currently the KFC is closed dues to being burnt to the ground in a suspicious manner. Possibly maniac-related?

No bun please, my colon needs work

Unhungry? More like unfathomable.

Go Forth, young nerd.

Back when I was a lad, there were two kinds of places to find computers within the the home. The first was in the "rumpus" or "games" room, where you'd also find a small pool table, a copy of electronic Simon or Battleships with a flat battery, and a large scattering of Lego or Torro. The second place was in the bedroom of older cousins of yours or your friends. These rooms always had the curtains drawn and smelt "funny".

The second location is exactly where I imagine you'd have found a copy of this book, probably concealing a faded Legalong catalogue or even a copy of Gent or Razzle.

Clothing from the country I live in

http://www.lvnz.co.nz/mens-range/


Thanks to Cook-E for finding this apparition.

Low standards of decency remain amongst couch vendors

WHAT IT IS: "2 x 2 seater couches"

DESCRIPTION OF ITEM: "- am moving overseas and have 2 x 2 couches that I'd like to get rid of
- couches are old but in pretty decent nick"

PRICE: Start your bidding at $10. Clearly this person REALLY would like to get rid of these.

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None yet.

So, what IS smooch?

Some people are still struggling with the concept of smooch in visual form. Thankfully, contributor See-J Juan had recently visited the established emporium that is "Dress Smart" - keep that moniker in mind when viewing these examples:


This is smooch.


This... ...what ever this is... ...is smooch.


This is smooch (in concept and execution, how does it even work in a way that provides any challenge).


This is a cart. Of smooch. Quite the effort of sourcing on this one.


This is... well, you can see it's a packet of tasty, spicy Cock™. It's smooch too.

Supermarket Cards pt47

That is fine.

It's all in the name

Succinct.

Television in New Zealand

Nick writes: "Hey TV3 news, your trailer for Green Lantern is actually just a fan trailer from YouTube. P.S. stop broadcasting stuff off YouTube the resolution is terrible. Also, facts... please."

I think he makes an entirely valid point.

I know they say "go green" but this is ridiculous...

Thanks to The Heartbreaker for this one.

Smell like a 'Whacker

Mmmm, rural.

Smarmchairs

There is a bar aside Auckland's Dominion Road where upon they invite you to sit on these:




Which is ABSOLUTELY "FINE".

Guest post: Auckland Smooch Style

Here we have a guest post from Happyjack, who I feel has encapsulated the spirit of the site beautifully. These photos are from the Auckland Street Style event that took place recently.




Happyjack: "This is fine."




Happyjack: "this is not."

Kiwi ingenuity smooch

"Ralph Polo Vest custom made.

Size XL very good condition

check my other listings"


Q:is this a shirt with the arms cut off? johngeorgaros (61 ) 11:39 pm, Sat 13 Mar
A:yes 6:18 pm, Sun 14 Mar

Many thanks to Gasman for this find.

smerseys

Thanks to Generale de la Muerte for these.

"...but you ARE lazy, right?" "Oh, don't get me started!"

"PAJAMA (sic) JEANS™"

"Pajamas you live in, jeans you sleep in."

"They're the newest thing!"

"Of course I, you, and everybody we know needs a pair of Pajama Jeans. They are comfy and roomy and true to size. They slide on like butter, wear like bowl of fresh cream. I put on a nice blouse, and I'm pretty sure I could actually go on a job interview like this and nobody would know the difference."

I will personally get hired to the same company, ascend the corporate ladder ahead of (shan't be hard, clearly they'll be immensely lazy), then resoundingly fire anyone who thinks it's okay to turn up to a job interview in the clothes they sleep.

Acceptable wear only for the most frugal of hobos.


Thanks to T Lungz for sourcing this amazing item of smooch.

Bizarre "commemorative" t-shirt

As downright odd as the "free" ones that used to come with computer games in the early 1990's.

...and again

Deliberate Freudian screenshot. Tch.

I don't know what or why...

...but it had to be seen.



"Thanks" to Johnny A

I fear for the offspring of the loins of whoever owns this...

I know we generally call adolescents "stupid kids" out of derision towards their almost guilt-free ignorance, but it would help if retailers didn't stoop down to their almost nonexistent levels of taste and shame.

WELL, HOT TOPIC ARE CERTAINLY NOT HELPING.



For they are now selling this "item", of which I would have been most certainly defiantly unimpressed with had it been offered to me in 1990 (the peak of my fandom of all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And I was 10.)



I wish to punch everyone involved. In the larynx.

Many gracious thanks to See J for finding this abysmal item o' smooch.