I fear for the offspring of the loins of whoever owns this...

I know we generally call adolescents "stupid kids" out of derision towards their almost guilt-free ignorance, but it would help if retailers didn't stoop down to their almost nonexistent levels of taste and shame.

WELL, HOT TOPIC ARE CERTAINLY NOT HELPING.



For they are now selling this "item", of which I would have been most certainly defiantly unimpressed with had it been offered to me in 1990 (the peak of my fandom of all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And I was 10.)



I wish to punch everyone involved. In the larynx.

Many gracious thanks to See J for finding this abysmal item o' smooch.

What's wrong with idolising the All Blacks #3321

Supplied by Nikon. Cheers Nikon.

Stunning

"Shine" by Final Placement from sharity world on Vimeo.

The band's name, "Final Placement"

How fitting.

Kudos to See J Juan for uncovering this cancerous polyp on the anus of weak music videos.

These are not shoes

They are a footwear crime.



WHAT IT IS: "Brand New Sanuks - Cool and Comfy!"

DETAIL OF AUCTION:

...

...

(deep breath)

...

"These are one of the most comfortable shoe made in the history of man..

Brand New with Tags star pattern Sanuks.
Woman's size 6 Europe 37.

RRP :- $70-$100

Natural torsion control, natural flex control and natural width control.

No washing instructions but pretty confident you could throw them in a cold wash.

Sanuks were designed by a Californian Sufer. his goal was to design a unique sandal that would survive jungle treks looking for surf or just to keep you smilin' and stylin' at your local surf break.


However you don't need to be a sufer to wear them - I'm not.

Really awesome shoe with Summer nearly here. Ask questions if you have any..

:-)"

PRICE: Buy Now $50. FIFTY DOLLARS.

COMMENT FROM SELLER: None, thankfully.

Some things are still funny

Like old Nomads. For sale. On TradeMe.



And no, i'm not linking you to the auctions. There is no rich irony in owning a pair of these. Only shame. And smoochness.



Guhhh.

Bidders can't be choosers

I am delighted to be able to present to you an occasion where the smoochness of the item on auction has not dissuaded people from bidding on it. IN fact, quite the opposite. Couple that with humdinger questions and you have my Auction of the Month. Right here.






WHAT IT IS: One "Weiider (sic) MultiGym" which appears to be barn-raised.

DETAIL OF AUCTION: "Multi gym, been stored in farm barn for last few years and hasn't been used.
Condition is poor, has some rust. Nothing is broken."


PRICE: Here's where it gets interesting. As of writing, there have been 27 bids, with the current next bid at $54.55.

COMMENT FROM SELLER:

Question:how much weights come with it + how hard do you the to get more? milkfarmer (9 ) 12:53 am, Tue 23 Feb
Answer: 10. I don't know where to get more. 1:51 pm, Wed 24 Feb

The ballad of Marshall Molesters

Thanks to Dan Tanner for finding this.

There's nothing worse than a jilted lover...

...who thinks they can deal with it by making atrocious "music" which we're all then unwittingly assaulted with. Like finding a 16-child schoolbus disaster scattered bloodily across your freshly-mown backyard.

Kobe 2 - Good Taste nil

There are no words.

Only the feelings you cannot ignore.

The horror.

Skate drek

"Pretty worn, lots of scrapes, still has alot of use left in it though....
griptape is pretty dirty with a nick in the top,
but a surf/skate shop like Northbeach would probably regrip the deck for $10. bought for $89.00, start price $20"


Supplied by J.Agnew, who added "Throw it away"

HE IS CORRECT.
THROW.
IT.
AWAY.
IN
A
FURNACE.

Shroud of Zombie Curtis

Supplied by Dan Tanner, who sums this whole awfulness up beautifully:

"Smooch will tear us apart. Or that tiger. Or Zombie Curtis in Austin 4 years after (his) death."

Regrets All Over The Show

My sister rules.

For example, she sent me a link to this site REGRETSY.

Describing itself as "Where DIY meets WTF" (succinctly summing up the last ten years of the internet in acronyms) you can find everything the Smoochest is and more.

For the uninitiated Etsy is sort of an unholy condensed residue after a messy collision between Ebay and Jo-Ann craft supermarket.





For example.

You know you want to.

Go there.