Let's go to Wal-Mart ..part 1.

So, in a fitting conclusion to the highlights of my trip to the United States, I bring you "The Smoochest look at Wal-Mart" which was such a bounty of awful items that we had to stop taking photos after ten minutes.
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Now, there's already a fine website dictated to the smooch customers of Wal-Mart so I kept my camera fixed firmly on things for sale.

This is all new stuff Ready to take home. Yet, most of it looks like trash.


First shot taken. FIRST SHOT. The presentation couldn't be smoocher.


"PhOMPaaur."


Welcome to Clown Town!


Because the scale was somewhat lost in many of these clothing snaps, I asked young Pedro Juan here to help out as a guide. As you can see, both of his legs would fit with room to spare in one leg of these smooch jeans. His look of bewildered is genuine, and mirrors my own.


"TRONNNughh"


It beggars belief, but there are rows upon rows upon rows of this stuff. Larger than a standard home of clothing smooch.


Hats too. Actually, here's a game. Try to pick your LEAST favourite smooch hat. AC/DC NASCAR is a popular choice....


Miller Fart Time has noticeable scuffing...


Smooch Dale Earnhardt Jr is a clever nod of his current form...


...or Adult Baby Taz hat? The possibilites are many. I hate them all equally, which is cheating.


And now, the shoe department....



Vile. Invokes memories of clogs and bad teeth-to-gum ratios.


No really, they went there.


Why is everything bent and sat on? Why? Why?


Just looking at these ones nearly gave me chilblains.


Shipwrecked appeared to be a popular style this season at Wal-Mart Footwear. Maybe it's a clever disguise to the fraying that will occur within minutes of owning it.


I mean, COME ON. "Um, I was thinking army/fairy for my inspiration."


Ah, the "Scoot" boat smooe. This one stopped us in our tracks for quite some time. Ruban merely touched the box and one half of this gruesome twosome slithered halfway out of the box, toe end stoved in and scuffed. If it had promptly self-combusted we would have experienced a form of cultural nirvana.


Wheeeeee!!! Adults can be kids too!!

So that's that then. I feel most uneasy and require a cup of tea and a lie down.

When my pallor has returned to normal, we shall take a look at the Food section of Wal-Mart. Oh yes. You are what you eat.....

Talk soon,
Ost